My analogy

Here is my battle. It is what I am facing, but in analogical form.

I am poor: poverty stricken. I have two choices. I can steal and be sure that I get what I need, or I can not steal and only hope that everything goes okay and that I survive. But, if I steal, I would be compromising everything I have been taught and believe in. If I don't steal, again, all I can do is hope for the best. I can only hope for someone to come around who is willing to make everything okay.

But, here's the thing. I have a Tempter. My Tempter is using my poverty stricken past to hit me where it hurts. He is using his tricks to try and get me to steal. Now, I don't have to give in to him. But I also have my human weakness to consider. This is an area where I struggle. I want to be okay. I don't want to be poor again. But stealing isn't who I am. It's not me, nor is it who I was meant to be. And while I don't want to be that thief, I feel like I already have been, just by thinking about it. The thoughts that have trampled through my head...I have wanted and have not wanted to act on them, and luckily, I haven't. Stealing is the last thing I want to do. While it sounds appealing, I'm afraid to do it. I'm afraid of the consequences and of what people will think of me. I'm afraid of what I would think of myself.

And while I am trying to reign in my human weakness and sinfulness, trying to keep it in control, I am trying to watch out for my Tempter. How do I do this all at once? I can only do one thing at a time. And what if I try to hard to avoid him, or to keep my humanness in control and I end up tripping and stealing anyway? How do I not trip?

All I can do is sit and think about my real battle, the one that is ongoing, and that is the source for this analogy.