Fear or Faith?

Have you ever been in a boat on a lake when the wind is strong? I have. I went with a friend a few years ago to kayak on the lake. It was a windy day, which made rowing difficult. The wind made the water choppy and kept pushing me farther away from shore. My kayak bounced to and fro, and rowing was more exhausting than usual. Except for the kayak part, it reminds me of a story in the Bible.

Jesus had just fed five thousand people and, in need of some time to pray, had sent the disciples by boat to meet him on the other side of the lake. Scripture tells us that later that night ‘the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it. Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”' 
-Matthew 14:24-27

Now, I don’t know about you, but what happens next isn’t something I would have expected. I would have expected the disciples to say, “Oh, it’s You. Whew!” But, that’s not what happens.

“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” “Come,” he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?” 
-Matthew 14:28-31

I don’t understand why Peter responded the way he did, but I do know that Scripture is for our benefit. Second Timothy 3:16-17 says that, ‘All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.’ Through these Scriptures in Matthew 14, I see an important principle God wants to teach me.

When Peter had his eyes locked on Jesus, he was able to walk on the waves. But when he put his eyes on the wind, everything changed. It wasn’t seeing the wind that made Peter sink; it was fear.
In a conversation with a friend the other day, I realized that I have been looking at a situation when my eyes should be on Jesus. When the situation appears to be getting better, I feel hopeful that everything is going to be okay. But when it looks like it’s not improving, my hope sinks. Not only does my hope sink, though, but I become afraid and I sink.

When Jesus reaches out his hand to catch Peter, He says to him, “You of little faith...why did you doubt?” Maybe Peter doubted Jesus’ ability to sustain his walk on the water in spite of the wind. Maybe he doubted who Jesus really was. I don’t know for sure what Jesus’ question was regarding, but I do think that if I am truly believing Jesus is who He says He is, then I don’t have any room for doubt or fear that He can’t do what He says He’ll do. When I look at the situation and become afraid, what I’m really doing is doubting that Jesus will take care of me. I’m giving way to fear rather than faith. And fear makes me sink.

And I don’t know about you, but I want to walk on the water.

Lord, please help me to keep my eyes on you, and not the situation around me. Jesus, increase my faith. I believe; help me overcome my unbelief. Amen.

Whose Strength?

Things have been hard lately. Not just hard, but unexpectedly hard. If I’m honest, I’ve been floundering. I’ve not been the strong Christ follower I want to be in the face of adversity. But, I guess it’s an opportunity to grow, right?

Several times throughout this last week I have found myself saying, “I can’t do this,” whatever ‘this’ is. Tonight on my drive home after a time of worship, Philippians 4:13 came to my mind. It’s one of those verses that I under appreciate. If you aren’t familiar with it, it says, “I can do all things through Christ who is my strength.”

Notice the word, ‘all’. It doesn’t say, “I can do some things through Christ who is my strength.” It doesn’t say, “I can do most things through Christ who is my strength.” It doesn’t even say, “I can do all things through my own strength.” Because let’s be honest, we can’t do much on our own strength. I know I can’t. Well, I’m learning that I can’t.

“I can do all things through Christ who is my strength.”

I am a limited being. So are you. But Christ, He is unlimited. He never runs out of strength, unlike me. Yet too many times I depend on my own strength. No wonder I crash and burn in the face of adversity. If I can do all things through Him who is my strength, then why don’t I depend on His strength? Maybe it’s because I really don’t believe that I can do all things through Him as my strength. I think I need to reexamine what I believe.

Here’s the deal. I can try to do this thing called life in my own strength and fail, or I can do it in His strength. Whose strength am I going to choose? I hope I choose His strength. It’s amazing and pretty ridiculous that the God of the universe, the strongest being the world has ever known, offers me His strength so that I can do all things. And to think that I want to walk in my own strength. I think that’s the more ridiculous thing.

Because my Strong God offers me His strength, I can absolutely do whatever ‘this’ is. I can handle whatever comes my way, because I’ve got His strength to walk in. I can do all things, but only through Christ who is my strength. Whose strength are you walking in?

Do You Believe, Even When?

You know the old saying, “Easier said than done?” Well, a lot of things are easier said than done, especially when things aren’t going so well.

These last two weeks have been filled with days of fear and anxiety, worry and dread, anger and grief, uncertainty about what’s up ahead, and lots and lots of tears. And in the midst of it all, God has been asking me, “Child, what do you really believe?” 

Believe about what? you’re probably wondering. Well:

Within the last two weeks, I’ve had to look at the possibility of having to move out of the home I’m living in at some point in the near future. God has been asking me, “Do you really believe that I am your security, even in the uncertainty?”

I’ve also had to turn down house sitting jobs, of which I was relying on to help get me through this summer while I’m laid off. God has been asking me, “Do you really believe that I am your provision, even though there’s no money coming in?”

My best dog friend had to be put to sleep, and I have been grieving. He brought me comfort when times were tough. God has been asking me, “Do you really believe that I am your comfort, even though your source of comfort is gone?”

Some of the people in my life whom I rely on haven’t been available when I’ve needed them. God has been asking me, “Do you really believe that I am your friend, even though no one else is able to be there right now?”

These last two weeks have been anything but peaceful. In the midst of the storms, God has been asking me, “Do you really believe that I am your peace, even though things are chaotic and scary right now?”

My counselor had to have minor surgery, and so has been unavailable to help me through all that has been going on. God has been asking me, “Do you really believe that I am your counselor, even though your counselor isn’t able to help you right now?”

I don’t have a healthy relationship with my mother, and the grief I’ve been walking through has emphasized my desire for a mother. God has been asking me, “Do you really believe that I am your mother, even though yours isn’t able to be a mom to you right now?”

In essence, I think He has been asking me, “Do you really believe that I am all that you need, even when you have nothing and no one?” 

And in response, I honestly have to say, “I don’t know.”

It’s easy to believe when things are going well. I think Peter understands this. He said he would die for Jesus (Matthew 26:35), but when it came down to it, three times he denied ever knowing Him (Matthew 26:69-75). It wasn’t so easy to believe when things looked grim and the darkness was pressing in.

Seven years ago, I heard God say, “You don’t get to pick and choose which parts of the Bible you believe. You either believe all of it, or you believe none of it.” The other day, I heard God say something similar. He said, “You can’t be a part-time believer. You either believe me all the time, no matter what is going on around you, or you don’t believe at all.” 

God, in Rev. 3:15-16, says, “I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.” He doesn’t want us to believe only when it’s convenient for us, or only when things are going well. He wants us to believe all the time.

May we ask ourselves: Am I willing to believe Him in the light and the darkness? Am I willing to believe Him, even when the earth is crumbling beneath my feet? Psalm 46:1-3 says, ‘God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.’ Do I really believe that? Do I really believe that He is my refuge and strength? Do I really believe that He is my ever-present help in trouble?

If we really believed all of these things, I’m convinced that nothing would be able to shake us. I don’t know about you, but that’s where I want to be. But, I recognize that I’m not there yet. So, with the father in Mark 9:24, I pray, “Lord, I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

His Magnificent Temple

I’ve been reading in 1 Kings about the building of the Temple. King Solomon had it built of the finest materials, imported from out of town. It took him seven years to complete. Seven is the number of perfection. It must have been the perfect dwelling place for the LORD.

After Solomon builds the temple, he then spends thirteen years building his palace. When he’s finished with both, he has the ark brought to the temple, then dedicates it. But before he can dedicate it, the glory of the LORD fills it, preventing the priests from performing their service.

“When the priests withdrew from the Holy Place, the cloud filled the temple of the Lord. And the priests could not perform their service because of the cloud, for the glory of the LORD filled his temple.” - 1 Kings 8:10-11

Solomon then tells the Lord, “I have indeed built a magnificent temple for you, a place for you to dwell forever.”  So much hard, careful work was put into building the temple. Not only was the temple magnificent, but it was a most holy place. 1 Kings 6: 7 tells us that “no hammer, chisel or any other iron tool was heard at the temple site while it was being built.” I can’t help but think the reason for this was because of the fact that it was a holy place.

Solomon intended for the LORD to dwell in that temple forever. But, as we know, nothing lasts forever. Eventually the temple was destroyed. The Lord, however, had another temple in mind where He would dwell.

In the New Testament, we find that we are now the temple of the Lord. Paul tells us in 1 Chronicles 6:19 that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit.

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?”

He then says, “You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies” (1 Chron. 6:19b-20).  In Colossians, Paul talks about a mystery; the mystery being “Christ in me, the hope of glory” (Col. 1:27). The other temple God had in mind was us. He now dwells inside of you and me. We are now His magnificent temple!

Some of us don’t feel magnificent. We might not look magnificent on the outside, but to God, we are absolutely stunning. David declares this to the Lord in Psalm 139:13-14:

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful.”

Just as King Solomon took great care in building the temple of the Lord, God took great care in knitting us together. Where the Lord’s temple took seven years to build, you and I take nine months for God to craft into the magnificent temple He hopes to indwell. The temple was perfect, so why wouldn’t God want to dwell there? You and I are’t so perfect, yet God desires to dwell in us forever. Despite how we see ourselves, God sees us as His magnificent temple. (Wow!)

This should have some implication, then, on how we treat ourselves. For much of my life, I have held a low view of myself. I have not always treated my body with the respect and honor the temple of the Lord deserves. I also have not cared for it in a way that is worthy of the Lord’s dwelling place. My prayer today is for forgiveness for the way I’ve treated the Lord’s temple, my body. I also pray for His help to care for it, to honor it, and to be constantly aware that I am His temple: His magnificent temple.

Stop Doubting and Believe

Tonight at worship we sang the song, King of my Heart. The chorus is a repeating phrase declaring to the Lord that He is good. As we sang that chorus, something I read in my quiet time this morning came back to me, and I felt God speak to my heart.

After Jesus rose from the dead, He revealed Himself to a few people, including 11 of the 12 disciples. Thomas was not with them when Jesus revealed His resurrected self to them. When he heard that they had seen Jesus, however, he said, "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe" (John 20:25). A week later, Jesus walks through the locked doors of the house and addresses Thomas: "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe" (John 20:27).

I don't know about you, but I find myself often being a doubting Thomas. I say things like, "Jesus, I'll trust you when I see you do this." Or, "Lord, I'll believe you are good when you do this." Tonight as I sang that chorus, proclaiming to Him that He is indeed good, I felt Him speak to the doubt that is in my heart. I felt Him say, "I am good. Now stop doubting and believe."

What are you doubting? What are you hoping to see before you'll believe? Trust that He is good and He is faithful. "Stop doubting and believe."

The Red Path or Waypoints?

Yesterday I wrote about my hike at Red Hills and the waypoints that other people had put on the electronic map I was using. Had I followed them, I would have been following something I couldn't see, because that person's trail wasn't outlined in red as the designated trail was. I shared how it was similar to the voices we can choose to listen to. We can listen to the Shepherd's voice, or the voice of a stranger. Hopefully, we'll listen to the Shepherd's voice.

As I was having my quiet time today, a verse came to me that had briefly popped in my mind yesterday as I wrote. Yesterday's post took me quite some time to get it right, and I'm still not sure it's right. For a post to take hours to compile is pretty rare, which makes me think there's another principle I can apply to it.

Remember how I shared that the trail on the map was outlined in red, so it was easy to follow? If I had taken the suggestions made by others (the waypoints), I would have strayed from that red line and had no way to know which way to go next. Once I strayed, I was dependent on other people's suggestions to help me finish the hike.

Psalm 119:105 says, "Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path." Just like my map, His Word illuminates the way for us so that we have no doubt which direction to go. Unfortunately, we get bombarded with waypoints from people who think they have a better route. When we stray from His Word to follow those other suggestions, we are walking blindly, guided by the world rather than the Originator of the trail. When we choose to follow the suggestion of another, we can't be certain where we'll end up. But if we'll stick to His highlighted path, paying attention to His words in red, we can have certainty about where they'll lead us.

Jesus says in John 10:27-28, "My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand." That's the promise and certainty we have when we follow His Path.

Maps and Voices

With today's cooler temperatures and dreamy breeze, I decided to try a hike at Red Hills again. This time I was able to make it all the way around. Even though it wasn't as hot as the other day, I still felt as though I was wandering in the wilderness. If I wouldn't have had a map, I'm sure I'd still be wandering.

Hiking at Red Hills is a little tricky because of the many forks in the trail and lack of trail markers. The map I had was on an app called 'AllTrails.' It's like a GPS for hiking: it allowed me to see my location on the trail relative to the whole route, outlining the trail in red so it was easy to follow. Acting like a compass, it allowed me to choose the right direction when I came upon one of the many forks. It surely is a lifesaver of an app for hikers, mountain bikers, runners, and anyone adventuring on a trail.

Something I noticed both times I have used the app to navigate the trail at Red Hills is that periodically along the map outline are little yellow dots. These are waypoints from other people who have traversed the trail. Most of them said things like, 'Turn left at the fork,' and listed coordinates for that spot on the trail. When the map showed that I was at one of those waypoints, it also showed me that if I turned in that suggested direction, I no longer would be following the designated trail as outlined on the map.

I'm sure that, had I taken the suggested direction, I would have eventually found my way back to the parking lot. The hike was a long one, so perhaps taking the waypoint would have meant a shorter hike, but I wouldn't have had the certainty of following the red line on the map. In fact, it would have been useless, and I might have gotten lost.

Isn't this a bit like our Christian walk? God has a designated trail marked out for us to follow, outlined for us in His Word. But how many times does the enemy come along with his waypoints, tempting us to stray from the long path ahead of us? And how often do we decide to listen to his voice instead of God's?

I'm reminded of a few things Jesus says in John 10:3-5, about the Shepherd and His sheep. He says, "The sheep hear his voice, and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes before them, and the sheep follow him, for they know his voice. A stranger they will not follow, but they will flee from him, for they do not know the voice of strangers."  I knew the path outlined for me in red on my hike today. I saw other suggestions, but I wouldn't follow them because I didn't know them. The outlined path was sure; not so with the suggestions.

Whose voice are you going to listen to? Whose path will you follow? Psalm 23 says He leads us along paths of righteousness. The trail is already marked out in red. The question is, will we follow? Or will we follow a stranger's waypoints? Will we follow His voice, or a stranger's? I hope we choose Him. He's the only surety we have of not getting lost.

Forward or Back?

I took a hike today to an area called Red Hills. After my hike, I think it more appropriately should be named 'The Wilderness Hills,' as it definitely felt like I was wandering in the wilderness. The trails don't have much shade. Actually, I'd say 99.9% of the trails are without shade.

Hiking the trails at Red Hills feels like being in the middle of nowhere. Today I took a trail head that had several different trails listed. I chose the overlook trail, because I'm a sucker for scenery, especially overlooks. Of course, the trail lead up, so up I went. It was a hot hike, but beautiful view once I got to the top. I decided to keep following the trail, thinking it would soon loop me back to the parking lot. The trail lead down, so I went down. And I kept going down. There were beautiful flowers along the way. I kept checking the map to see when and where it would loop me back. But I only saw one big 3.3 mile loop.

With my 3:00 Skype appointment quickly approaching, I decided I needed to turn around and go back. Because I had come down, the way back was up. It was a hot, sunny hike back up. A short way back up the trail I found a little shade and sat down for a breather (I'm so out of shape). I drank some water and begged God to help me, asking, "What have I gotten myself into?" And I wondered if that's how the Israelites felt as they wandered in the wilderness.

As the Israelites wandered in the wilderness, how many times did they wonder what they had gotten themselves into? How many times did they wish to be back in Egypt? They thought that going back was better than going forward.

I don't know about you, but as I've journeyed through my own wilderness wandering, it has often seemed easier to go backwards than forwards. It's such a long way forward sometimes that going back the way I came is desirable. But after today, I'd say the way back is a whole lot harder than going forward.

What would have happened had they gone back? The app I was using today told me that there was a river ahead on the trail that I would eventually come to. But because I had to turn back, I missed it. And who knows what else I missed because I turned back. If the Israelites had turned back to Egypt, they would have missed God's provision for them. They would have missed out on the promised land and everything else God had for them.

There's a verse in Isaiah that I love. I have been clinging to it in this season of journeying through what seems like my own wilderness. Isaiah 42:16 says, "I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them." 

The way forward is long and uncertain. Sometimes it seems easier to go back the way we know. What we don't know is that it's actually much harder. If we go forward, God promises to be with us and not forsake us. He promises to lead us on the trails we have not gone before. The trail I took today was rocky: He promises to make those rocky, rough places smooth. I think His promises make going forward worth it.

In Its Time

In my backyard, there are pots of lilies that I have anxiously been waiting for to bloom. Two days ago, I noticed that some of the pink lilies' buds had turned pink, indicating their imminent bloom. Waking up yesterday and heading outside for my quiet time, I was sure they would be open. To my disappointment, they were not. They simply weren't ready to open yet. What difference one extra day makes, I don't know, because four of them were open this morning. Finally.

The other day, I was listening to my best friend back in Indiana talk about how she, too, has been waiting for things to bloom in her yard. She has planted and watered and waited and waited some more. She said that never before has she so looked forward to Spring. Why is this Spring different for her? Because she has put work into planting and is anticipating the beauty of it all.

Waiting is hard. When you have put so much work into something, it's hard to wait for the end result. There is so much anticipation, expectation, and hopefulness. But it can all wither away when the results don't come when expected. But don't lose heart.

There's a verse in Ecclesiastes 3 that can ease our impatience. Verse 11 says, "He has made everything beautiful in its time." 

It's interesting to me that this verse seems to be in the wrong tense. Shouldn't it say, He will make, instead of He has made? I'm sure the Bible writers didn't get it wrong. When you think about it, it's actually quite hopeful, because has lets us in on a little secret: He's already done it, whether we see it or not.

The pastor at my church says something quite often that, for a while, I struggled to understand. But I think I get it now. He says that we live in the "already, but not yet." God has already won the battle, but the end isn't her yet. God has already saved us, but we're not home with him yet. God has already (fill in the blank), but (fill in the blank) yet. 

What are you hoping for? What are you waiting for? I'm waiting for healing. So often, I wonder, "Why can't it just be now? Why can't it be done now? Why do I have to keep waiting?" Like that lily, what difference does one extra day in its bud make? Why couldn't it have bloomed the day before? Why can't my healing be today?

Timing. It's all about timing. God knows the timing of when things need to happen. Our job is to trust Him. I couldn't make that lily bloom. All I could do was wait, give it water and food, and trust that when it was ready, it would bloom. I can't make my healing be today. All I can do is trust that God has the perfect timing for my healing. In the mean time, I continue to soak up His Word, drink in His presence, and wait.

If the lily would have bloomed when I wanted it to, it wouldn't have been ready. It needed some things before it could bloom. I think that if God were to heal me now, I wouldn't be ready. In this process of waiting, I'm getting to know Him in ways I don't believe I would if my healing were instant. If God stripped off all the layers that require healing in one go, I don't think I'd survive it. And I would miss out on so much of what He wants to do in this process.

I am healed, but not yet. He has made Mindy beautiful in her time. Trust His timing. You won't be sorry.

Papa Bear

Growing up, I didn't have a dad. I never got to experience the protectiveness of a one, not even his over-protectiveness. I never had a dad who kept me safe or who was willing to fight those who were hurting me. In fact, the dad I did have was the complete opposite of all of that.

I love the Psalms. They often give words to things I'm feeling, and they express that which I fear to express. They give permission, so to speak, to feelings I think God disapproves of. But the Psalms also provide hope to my heart. They point me back to the One to whom I belong. They reorient my heart to truth.

Psalms 18 is one of my favorites. I love the imagery it contains of God thundering down from Heaven to rescue David after hearing his cry for help. I was reading it once again today when I realized something I never had before: I have the ultimate Papa Bear.

In this psalm, David is singing to the Lord after the Lord delivered him from the hand of all his enemies and from Saul. There were a lot of bad people who wanted him dead, Saul being number one. David says in verses 3-5, "I called to the LORD, who is worthy of praise, and I have been saved from my enemies. The cords of death entangled me; the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me. The cords of the grave coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me." That's some pretty serious distress he was in. I've been in distress before, but not like David. I've never had someone trying to kill me. He goes on to say in verses 6-9a, "In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears. The earth trembled and quaked, and the foundations of the mountains shook; they trembled because he was angry. Smoke rose from his nostrils; consuming fire came from his mouth, burning coals blazed out of it. He parted the heavens and came down...."

There are several things that stand out to me in those verses. First, the Lord absolutely is worthy of praise. Second, David said, "I cried to my God for help." The Lord is a personal God. He isn't just some God, He was David's God. He is my God. Third, the Lord heard his voice. His cry went into God's ears. Way too often do I think He doesn't hear me. Fourth, the earth trembled and quaked, and the foundations of the mountains shook. Why? Because God was angry. And fifth, God came down.

In these verses, God is acting as Papa Bear. This psalm reorients my heart to the truth that He is my Papa Bear, able to move heaven and earth on my behalf. I love the fact that God was angry. Though I'm not a parent, as a preschool teacher, if I think someone is messing with 'my kids' it enrages me. How much more so would it enrage that child's parent? God was angry because someone was bullying His David. When the enemy comes to attack me, you better believe it makes God angry. I'm His Mindy and nobody better mess with His kid. I can imagine Him saying to my enemies, "Stop messing with my kid or I'm coming down there. And if  I come down there, you're going to be sorry."

David tells us in verses 13-14 that "The LORD thundered from heaven; the voice of the Most High resounded. He shot his arrows and scattered the enemy, with great bolts of lightning he routed them." I love this picture of God thundering from Heaven, shooting arrows of lightning at the bad guys who were trying to hurt David. The beautiful thing is that He's not just the God of David, or the God of the Old Testament. He didn't just do those things way back then. He does them now, He's the God of today, and He's my God. He's my Papa Bear who hears my cries for help. He's my Papa Bear who is angry when I'm attacked. He's my Papa Bear who comes down to save me. And I'm His Mindy.

Not the Same

Have you ever been to a restaurant and it just wasn't that great? Maybe you got food poisoning or had bad service or any of the other things that makes for a bad experience at a restaurant. I'm sure we all have. When it comes time to go out again, do you let that experience keep you from trying a similar restaurant? Of course not. Why? Because it's not the same restaurant. The servers will be different people, the food will be different, the set-up of the restaurant will be different, and even the music playing might be different. It won't be the same experience. Right?

I found myself once again writing about how I'm fearful of trusting God's love because of the bad experiences I've had with my parents and other people. What if His love is conditional like theirs? What if His love is dysfunctional? What if His love is inconsistent or impure? There are so many more 'what if's' that I could fill a page with them. But, I think God dropped into my spirit tonight that it's like that restaurant. It'll be a different experience. Why? Because it's not the same. He's not the same as my parents. He's not the same as those other people in my life. It's going to be an entirely different experience than I've had before.

Just like I wouldn't let a bad experience at a restaurant keep me from going to one similar, I shouldn't let my experience of love with broken, sinful people to keep me from trusting and experiencing God's good, safe, unconditional, ridiculous, consistent, strong, pure love. He's just not the same as them.

God and Bob Ross

For the last week or so, I have been reading the account of when Saul pursued David in order to kill him. Now, David had done nothing to deserve being killed. On the contrary, he rescued Saul and his army from an angry Philistine giant. He should have been exalted. Instead, he was pursued like a criminal, hated by Saul, and wanted dead. So, he ran. He ran from the man who was out to kill him, who happened to be the king. 

While he was on the run, David had two opportunities to kill Saul. Neither time did he take that opportunity, though it would have meant the end of his running. Why didn't he take it? Because David respected the fact that Saul was the Lord's anointed. The Lord put Saul in his position as King and David knew it wasn't his right to take him out of it. David was honorable. Saul was not. In the moment where Saul realized for the second time that David could have killed him, he seemingly repented, asking David to come home. David, however, kept his distance. 

And then David got news that Saul was dead. His troubles were over. He didn't have to run anymore. He should have been relieved and joyous, right? But he wasn't. He lamented over Saul's death, because he respected God's choice of Saul as king. He honored the Lord's anointed, though the Lord's anointed didn't honor him. 

This account has taught me much in relation to a recent situation in my own life. But it was in that last part where David got news of Saul's death that I had so many questions: How did David really feel about Saul's death? If he kept a journal, what would he have written about Saul? Did David feel some relief that Saul was dead? And what purpose did Saul's pursuit of David serve? 

It was that last question that caught me the most: What purpose did Saul's pursuit of David serve? I mean, really, what was the purpose? Was it to teach David something? Was it so that we would have the Psalms? What was the purpose? 

This trail of thoughts lead me to my own life. What is the purpose for the things in my life that have not been good? I've had to reorient myself to the truth that God is not my enemy, and He does not plan for bad things to happen to me. He is not the author of evil. But those bad things happen and He isn't going to waste them. 

I think God is kind of like Bob Ross, or vice versa. Maybe Bob Ross has given us a lesson of what God is like. Bob Ross said there were only ever "happy mistakes." He'd turn accidental blobs of paint that fell onto the canvas into birds or trees. I think God is kinda like that. I think God saw in mind what He wanted my (and your) life to look like, but then the enemy dropped a nasty blob of paint on the canvas. Instead of freaking out and tossing the whole thing, God decided what He'd do with that blob of paint. Some of those blobs have turned into birds and trees and who knows what else. Others are still in the process of becoming something beautiful. 

There's not a reason for the pain, but He uses it for a reason. He never wastes a single thing, not even a nasty blob of paint. He didn't plan for it, but He'll use it. If we let Him, He'll use every single one to add to the masterpiece He is painting of our lives. And I bet it'll be better than a Bob Ross.