I went for a run this evening for the first time in two months. What put me on pause was a sprained ankle. I think what caused the sprained ankle was God saying, "Mindy, I see you headed down this path of self-destruction and because you won't turn yourself around, I'm going to." Even though it frustrated me to no end, I'm glad He did.
So, I'm about to start running on this track when I see my shadow. I thought to myself, I'll turn around when I start to run so my shadow will be behind me so I don't have to see it. And when I was about to start running, I turned around to run the opposite way.
But then I turned back around after a few steps. I had realized something.
Everything around me tells me I should hate my body because I'm 'fat' and curvy. I'm not a size 4, nor am I an XS (extra small). And, sadly, at times I find myself buying into it. I almost did tonight.
I saw my shadow and knew that when I ran, I would see my hips bounce and I hated that thought. But when I turned around to run the opposite way, to not have to see my shadow, I realized that I was letting the
self-hate win. I had to fight.
And by fighting, I won.
This encourages me to keep fighting, not only against self-hatred regarding my body, but with other issues as well. If I fight, I win. But, if I turn and go the opposite way, I lose, and that other thing wins.
I will fight. And I will win. No matter what it is. I will win.
