Healing is Like Having a Scab That Itches

Have you ever got a sense of what could be inside of you? Of who you could be if you do or don't take one step? I have.

And do you ever see yourself and thank God you didn't make that one move, but feel sick that you could have? Or you see yourself making the move, taking the step, even though in reality you didn't? I do.

And I don't know what to do. I know the source, but it is so hard to do something about. What do I do? I know the problem, but how do I solve it? Is it about God healing me? I know I need healing, but I never thought it was this that needed to be healed. I guess we have different ideas of what needs to be healed, God and I do.

Is this about me giving up and watching Him work? I don't know.

And why does this have to be so hard? It's not fair. And why do I have to deal with this again? "God, I don't know how you are going to heal me, but do it soon. I told you I was ready for the healing you had for me, and I guess this is the beginning. It makes sense, I'm just afraid."

I guess this is like a wound being healed. It scabs over, and we pick at it, because it itches. Healing hurts, or at least some parts of it hurt. It itches and is uncomfortable. But, it's healing. Healing is uncomfortable at times. This healing is definitely uncomfortable. I hate talking about some things, just like I hate pouring peroxide into an open wound. It hurts and is hard, not to mention uncomfortable. But necessary for the healing process. I have to get everything that's inside out. Then the real healing can begin.

But, it hurts. And I don't want to talk about it. But, I have to. I have to, because it's necessary for healing.

Boy, healing is like having a scab that itches.