I've been reading John Eldredge's book, The Sacred Romance. My friend sent me a copy of it before she left for Sudan for a year, not knowing that I already had a copy of it, and had read it before. When I read it before, I blew through it, not gleaning much. This time, I've been taking my time through it.
Okay, I've got to tell a story before I can go further. I had read up to chapter 8 when I accidentally left it on top of the car and drove off. When I realized what I had done, I retraced my drive, but the book was nowhere to be found. I had another copy at home, but this one was special...my friend had written an inscription in it. The words she wrote were her hope for me as I read through the book. Even though her words are gone, the hope that was in them remains.
Before I lost the book, I was unintentionally straying from that hope. Her hope for me was to realize even more God's love for me. The opposite was happening. I was misunderstanding everything I was reading. My distorted interpretation was making God look like someone who was out to get me and who didn't care about me at all.
All of that changed when I lost the book. I had been highlighting things I felt were important, and all that was gone, too. So, I decided to start the book over with the other copy I had. Since I have, my friend's hope for me has, I think, begun to be realized. I have understood all that I previously misconstrued.
One of the things the authors of this book have been discussing is that so often, we come to believe that God's heart towards us is not good, just as our first parents (Adam and Eve) were tricked into believing. We are deceived into believing this through the things that happen to us. The authors talk about how, because we tend to relate to God as the author, and not a character in the story, we don't see His heart as good. We see Him as the author writing scripts for us that aren't exactly what we'd like. His scripts seem to include pain and suffering, trials and temptations. So, #1, we decide to write our own scripts and #2 decide life wouldn't be much different if there weren't a God.
But, the authors suggest that we look at God not as author, but as the Hero of the story. If we break His story into acts of a play, we see that in Act I, He exists in the Trinity, as He always has and always will. The Trinity is the relational intimacy we were all made for. Eldredge writes, "Overflowing with the generosity that comes from the abundance of real love, he creates us to share in the joy of this heroic intimacy."
In Act II, we have God's heart being betrayed. "Satan mounted rebellion through the power of one idea: God doesn't have a good heart."
In Act III, God's heart is put on trial. "In love God creates us for love and we give him the back of our hand. Why? Satan gets us to side with him by sowing the seed of doubt in our first parents' minds: "God's heart really isn't good. He's holding out on you. You've got to take things into your own hands." And Paradise was lost."
This next part is the part that stirs my heart and shakes the distorted view of God that I've developed. Eldredge writes:
"Yet there was something about the heart of God that the angels and our first parents had not yet seen. Here, at the lowest point in our relationship, God announces his intention never to abandon us but to seek us out and win us back. "I will come for you." Grace introduces a new element of God's heart. Up till this point we knew he was rich, famous, influential, even generous. Behind all that can still hide a heart that is less than good. Grace removes all doubt."
Through this book, I am seeing the fierce, unconditional, unrelenting love God has for us; that He has for me. Because of His love for me, He is willing to do whatever it takes to win me back. Eldredge shares something that was written in Ezekiel. It's God saying this, "I will answer you according to your idols [your false lovers] in order to recapture your heart."
One of the most amazing things is that God could have forced us to love Him. But, He knew that would not be real love. "In order for a true romance to occur, we had to be free to reject him." I can't imagine loving someone so much, so much that I would be willing to do anything to get them to love me, and yet they still refuse to. But, God has done that.
Another thing regarding His love for me that I've been thinking about is this from Romans 5:8
"but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
Romans 5:6-8 in The Message reads this way:
"Christ arrives right on time to make this happen. He didn't and doesn't wait for us to get ready. He presented himself for this sacrificial death when we were far too weak and rebellious to do anything to get ourselves ready. And even if we hadn't been so weak, we wouldn't have known what to do anyway. We can understand someone dying for a person worth dying for, and we can understand how someone good and noble could inspire us to selfless sacrifice. But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him."If God sent His Son to die for me when I was still dead in my sin, why do I think I have to have it all together for Him now? The verse says that "He showed His love for us in that...." He loved me so much that He sent His son to die for me when I was still a sinner. It didn't matter to Him if I was a sinner or not. He loved me so much that Christ died. So, I can be confident that He loves me now, no matter what mess I find myself in, right?
The other night at my small group, I was leading worship. I played and sang the song, "How He Loves", for the second week in a row. This time when I was playing it, I felt the Holy Spirit whisper into my spirit, "You don't have to strive." I think so often, I strive to earn His love. I strive to be perfect, cleaned up, and good enough for Him to love. But, He loves me even at my worst and lowest times.
I think it's no strange thing that He is wooing me with His love right now. I need Him to woo me. If He doesn't, I'll probably run away. The season I'm in right now is a tough one, one of refining. Things are coming up and out of me that no one wants to admit are in their hearts and minds. And they are all the result of someone else's actions against me. But, no matter, Satan is pummeling me with his shame and guilt and disgust of myself.
And I'm fighting hard against his strong gales, but the shame is still there, begging me to give into it. I see God's wooing me as Him fighting for me. Because I am constantly thinking about His love and about how unconditional it is, and because He is constantly revealing it to me, I am able to not give in completely to the shame and despair I feel lurking in the darkness around me.
I don't know if I'm expressing all that I want to, or if I'm doing it the way I want to. God's love is not something you can put words to. I can't quite put words to the feelings I get when I read this book, or hear a song about His love for me, or think about all that I sense is being revealed to me about His love for me. All I know is that it is good. As the song I'm listening to as I write this says, "I am seeing who You really are." I'm seeing that His heart towards me really is good. And I'm realizing His love.
May you, too, begin to realize His love for you; how vast and how deep and how wide and how long it is, how unconditional it is, how fierce and wild it is, how peaceful it is...how great it really is.
Quotations taken from The Sacred Romance, by John Eldredge, and the ESV and Message Bibles
