Life Goes On

How does life just go on after someone dies? I don't understand how it can. It seems like it should just stop, pause, and maybe even rewind. Life doesn't take into consideration our pain, sorrow, agony, grief...but it just keeps going on and on, moving forward one moment at a time.

A little over a week has passed since I heard about my cousin's death. I still don't understand how a week could have gone by already, and the viewing and the funeral. She's in the ground now, and her mom and dad are searching for a headstone. So many moments have passed and she has not been a part of any of them.

It's just not fair! Why should life be able to go on when hers can't? How am I to move forward when there has been this great loss? I don't understand. And I want to fix it all! I sense how broken my family is because of this and I hate it! I want to fix it...make it all go away.

But I can't. Nothing I or anyone else can do will bring her back.

But that's all I want. I want her back!!!! I still can't believe she's gone. I miss her smile, her goofy laughter, her singing to every country song in the world, swimming in her pool with her and the two of us teasing her brother, hearing her talk about boys, being her older sister she can confide in when my own little sister won't tell me a thing...I miss everything about her.

How can she be gone? I don't understand! It's not fair! How can life just go on? She can't be gone. And life just doesn't go on.