Found in the Aftermath

Aftermath- Hillsong United
[Verse 1:]
The skies lay low where You are
On the earth You rest Your feet
Yet the hands that cradle the stars
Are the hands that bled for me
[Chorus 1:]
In a moment of glorious surrender
You were broken for all the world to see
Lifted out of the ashes
I am found in the aftermath
[Verse 2:]
Freedom found in Your scars
In Your grace my life redeemed
For You chose to take the sinner's crown
As You placed Your crown on me
[Chorus 2:]
In that moment of glorious surrender
Was the moment You broke the chains in me
Lifted out of the ashes
I am found in the aftermath
And in that moment You opened up the heavens
To the broken the beggar and the thief
Lifted out of the wreckage
I find hope in the aftermath
[Bridge:]
And I know that You're with me
Yes I know that You're with me here
And I know Your love will light the way
[Chorus 3:]
Now all I have I count it all as loss
But to know You and to carry the cross
Knowing I'm found
In the light of the aftermath


This song speaks to me. I know it's talking about how we are found in the aftermath of the cross and what He did on Calvary, but I can't help relating it to my current situations. If you've been following me, you would know that life hasn't been easy. I'm in the process of applying to Mercy Ministries, and actually just sent in the last part of my application on the 4th of July. Now, I just have more waiting to do.

In the mean time, things have been pretty rough. A lot of things at home have been crazy, and then I've been noticing a lot of things in myself that are bothersome. Not to mention that the pain I feel inside is incredibly much. I feel like a pop bottle that has been shaken up and when the cap is taken off, it explodes because of the pressure inside. Or I feel like a glass doll or figure that is already tipping and just the slightest breeze will send me over the edge, shattering onto the floor. The emotions I feel inside, and am trying to suppress, are so intense that I feel that if I let them out, if I feel them, I will die.

And the dumb thing is that I know I need to let them come. I need to feel them. I need to take that cap off and let what's inside come exploding out. I need to take all of my guards down, unlock the dead bolts, let my walls fall...but I don't want to.

But, when I do, I think the words in this song will ring true. He will be there, lighting the way with His love as to what I need to let out and where He needs to get in to do some repairs. He will be with me during the explosions and when I feel like I'm going to die.

And He will find me in the aftermath of all of this that needs to be dealt with and felt. I won't die or be lost. He will find me.

And in this truth, there is hope. The hope that I will be found in my aftermath.