If I die young

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors
Oh, and life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even gray, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I've had just enough time

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I've had just enough time

And I'll be wearing white when I come into your kingdom
I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger
I've never known the loving of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand

There's a boy here in town, says he'll love me forever
Who would have thought forever could be severed by
The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I've had just enough time

So put on your best, boys, and I'll wear my pearls
What I never did is done

A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singing
Funny, when you're dead how people start listening

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a bed of roses
Sink me in the river at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

The ballad of a dove
Go with peace and love
Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket
Save them for a time when you're really gonna need them, oh

The sharp knife of a short life
Well, I've had just enough time
So put on your best, boys
And I'll wear my pearls

If I Die Young by The Band Perry

I think this song is the perfect one for the loss of my cousin. Every time I hear it, I think of her.

She died from a broken neck and a severed artery. I don't understand why this happened. Her boyfriend was going to propose. She'll be buried in the engagement ring.

She loved bowling. She was on her high school bowling team. She had so much going for her. She doesn't belong in a body bag or in the obituaries or in a funeral home or in a coffin, much less in the ground. She belongs in the engagements or on a 'high score' board in a bowling alley or in a classroom teaching special needs children or on a stage singing 'Coal Miner's Daughter' or a hundred other places, but not in a coffin.

I just don't understand, and my grief is so heavy, as if someone has tied a millstone around my neck. I want to yell and scream 'Why!?" I want her back. I want to hug her and laugh with her and go swimming in her pool with her and watch movies with her and be annoyed by her brother with her and sleep downstairs in the basement next to each other...I want her back!

Death is so dumb. One minute you're here, the next...nothing. And no one can fix it. I want to fix this for my family so desperately that it hurts. I want to fix my family, too.

But I can't. And I hate that. I think that's why God has me in CA while all of this is happening. If I were at home, I'd want to fix everything and everyone, and would forget about me and my grief. But, I can't fix anyone or anything, and I need to deal with my grief.

She was so young. I don't understand why she's gone. I keep going back and forth between denial and acceptance, shock and anger. I guess that's normal when you lose someone close to you. She was like a sister to me. She was always quick to forgive and never judged anyone. No matter who you were, she loved you.

I sat in the shower tonight and thought of her. I still can't wrap my mind around what happened. I just want it to all go away. I want it to be a bad dream and I want to wake up and find her back here. I want to hear her laugh again and see her smile and hear her tell of something she did.

I know that's what we all want.