God's fingers, glue, and the pieces of me

Bebo Norman wrote a song, God Of My Everything, that has really spoken to me. In the first verse, there is a line that says, 'Gather the pieces that are broken'. That has become my prayer.

Only recently have I begun to see my brokenness, and it's everywhere. I don't think there is one part of my life that is not broken. Try on that realization and see what life would look like. I know we all have our brokenness, but when it seems like it is in every area of your life, it begins to look overwhelming and hopeless.

And I really am in pieces. Since meeting my dad, I've split off into different parts that serve as different functions. I have an angry part who is just angry all the time at everything, a numb part who takes over when all the emotions are too much, a child part who felt it all, and an adult part who tries to keep things going in the real world. I also have a Christian part who, I think, is the real me apart from all of this stuff. But, I only get glimpses of her. But, all of these pieces put together again form a whole person. But, until I'm together again, I'm fractured and broken.

I almost feel like Humpty Dumpty. We all know the nursery rhyme:

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
And all the King's horses
And all the King's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again

I'm thankful that my name's not in that nursery rhyme.

Do you remember when you were a kid and you had to do a craft that involved gluing things to paper? Remember how your hands got covered in glue? I think that's how God's hands are as He is trying to put me back together. But, He's not afraid of the mess.

He is in the process of taking my pieces and putting them back together. Sometimes, that process hurts. Each piece has to be glued on one at a time, and I am having to look at each piece of me one at a time. It's very overwhelming.

But, I'm very glad that God's fingers are gentle. Being broken hurts enough.

I know that He will put me back together again, but it's taking a very long time. I forget sometimes that He is not on my time table, but I am on His. I forget that He is putting me back together, and that I don't have to do it by myself.

And I forget that when I am all put back together, I might not look the way I expect. I might still have some holes where the Light can shine through.