You might remember reading about the deep darkness I was in from November to the beginning of February. If not, let me give a short summary of those months.
In November, I was honest with someone, only wanting to get help for myself. It ruined my relationship with this person and brought confusion, shame, anger, and pain to me. I did not understand why it was happening. I ended up in a deep darkness and depression, cutting and struggling with suicidal thoughts spanning from November to February. I thought I'd never make it out of the storm alive. But, God shook Heaven and Earth for me on February 7th and changed my life forever.
After talking with my friend tonight, on the drive home I found myself thanking and praising God for this storm I went through. I thanked Him for the darkness and for everything I went through.
Why?
Because if it weren't for the storm, I wouldn't be free or be where I am today.
I am convinced that if the situation with this person would not have happened, I would not have met another person who has had a big impact in my life. She has helped me in finding healing, wholeness, and freedom, simply by telling me of our common bond. I thank God for her, and if it weren't for the situation in November, we never would have met.
If it weren't for what happened to me as a child, I wouldn't be the woman I am today. I wouldn't know God the way I do. I wouldn't be able to help other people, either.
If it weren't for what I endured in those months, I wouldn't have a testimony. Sure, I'd be able to say that I've survived abuse and that is a great testimony, but I wouldn't be free. I wouldn't have faced the things that needed to be brought to the surface and dealt with.
If it weren't for those months, I don't think I would know the strength I have. I wouldn't know the beautiful woman of God I really am, because I would have continued believing the lies that told me otherwise.
It's difficult to explain in words what I am feeling. All I know is that if it weren't for that storm, I wouldn't be where I am today: free, whole, new, complete, joyous, redeemed, alive.
So thank you! Thank you, God, for the storm.
I love the new layout, Mindy. And this post is beautiful, I hope someday I can look back and appreciate the storm I'm in, because right now it is a mess and I hate it. Thanks for sharing your heart, I love your blog!
ReplyDeleteI totally understand what you mean. It's hard to see the beauty in and appreciate the storm while we are in the midst of it. But know that God already has it mapped out from the beginning. Trust Him, even though you might not be able to see where you are going. He will never lead you in a wrong direction.
ReplyDeleteI've totally been where you are, though in a different storm. And you're right, I saw it as a mess and I hated it. And I know trusting Him is easier said than done. But I promise, He is trustworthy. He has not let me down and He won't let you down, either.