Letters

Letters are interesting things. They communicate so much. And you don't even have to send them. You can burn them, tear them up and throw them away, put them in a bottle and toss them into the sea, put them in a balloon and send them up, up, and away, or do any number of things. Or, you can send it.

I'm sending a letter this summer. I've been wanting to send this letter to this person for some time, but the time has never been right.

Until now.

I've written him letters before. I lost one, and the others were just for me to vent, and not to send. I have written him letters to work through the forgiveness process, to direct my anger at him, and a few with the intent of sending. But, those with the intent fell through. It just wasn't time.

I decided the last week of March that I wanted to send a letter to my dad. I had just gotten a book review in a Fort Wayne newspaper and for some reason decided I wanted to send him copies of some of my published work. I didn't have an intent of sending a letter with it, but then, that's where my heart was.

I sat on the idea for a while, without telling anyone. After a few days, I decided to tell my roommate, counselor, and a few other trusted friends. They all seemed supportive and encouraged me to go for it. I took a few weeks to really think about some things. I thought about the pro's and con's, how I will be affected, asked questions, answered questions....and continued to really think about it. After all of the questions and consideration, I still felt in my heart that this was what I wanted to do.

So, I gathered a few of my trusted friends as a support system and set out to write my letter. I know that no matter what happens, I can look back on this and say that I know the outcome and can move on from this point. It's part of my healing process. I wanted to have a support system so that I can have an outsider's perspective on the situation. I also wanted to make sure that, if I lose sight of truth, I have someone who can point me back to it. I also wanted to have some people I trust who I can bounce ideas off of and who can read my letters to make sure I'm not opening myself up too much, but am only including what I want to include.

The reason this is such a big deal is because I have not seen my dad since I was three. He was abusive and definitely not what a dad is supposed to be. This is the first time we have had contact in 18 years. I don't even know if he will respond, but I'm prepared for that. I know who I am in Christ and am secure as His daughter. I think that's why it's time.

So, I have written a draft letter and sent it to my support system people. I have received positive responses and feel confident in sending it. Now, I just need to continue to pray for his reception of the letter, that his heart is prepared.

Letters, they're interesting things. They communicate so much. And you don't even have to send them. You can burn them, tear them up and throw them away, put them in a bottle and toss them into the sea, put them in a balloon and send them up, up, and away, or do any number of things.

Or, you can send it.