Changes

As you know by now, I reflect on a lot of things. Today while I was working out, I was reflecting on how I have changed. When I used to work out, I exerted myself through my anger. It was what drove me some days. I would take my anger out through running or doing tons of sit-ups, all the while feeling angry inside.

This year has brought many changes. Now, instead of turning my emotions into anger, I allow myself to feel them. Now, instead of feeling angry and hatred and shame, I feel joy, love, and acceptance. I am confident in who I am, because I am in Christ. I no longer loathe the fact that I don't have a dad, because I know I do. My Papa loves me and is there for me. He is my Heavenly Father, which is so much better than any earthly father. Now, instead of dreading Father's Day, I am actually looking forward to it! I am anticipating it.

I am no longer afraid, but have a boldness that surprises me sometimes. I no longer hate the fact that I am a woman, but actually enjoy it! Yes, I love wearing dresses! I never thought I'd see that day!

I am no longer bound, for I am free! I no longer dwell in darkness, but live in the light. I no longer go about with my face to the ground, but look people in the eyes. I no longer hate myself, but love who God made me to be. I no longer doubt that He exists, because I can say without a doubt that He does. He is so very real to me.

God has shown me so much this year. The verse in Isaiah that says He makes beauty from ashes is so true. It's what He has done in me. He loved my ashes enough to make beauty from them. He loved me enough to keep His hand on me, even when I tried to get away. I know my Papa is good, and I know that I never want to run again. He loves me so much more than I will ever know. His love for me is vast. It is wide, long, high, and oh so very deep.

There have been so many changes this year. I am only excited for what other changes there are going to be!