I have been struggling lately with God's love. First of all, I have walls that need to come down. I have spent my life behind brick walls, guards, and shields that have 'protected' me from being hurt by love. I don't let people love me and I especially don't let God love me. I'm too simply afraid of being hurt again.
But, God loves me this much that it is hurting Him that my walls aren't crumbling...
I've been reading Beth Moore's book Breaking Free and it has been a drink of water that I have been longing for. It has ministered to me in ways I never thought possible. I was reading the chapter about hearts broken by betrayal when Beth was talking about Judas's betrayal. She says, "In Christ's case, however, Judas's betrayal took the worst of forms....He came to this earth in the form of human flesh not only to die in our behalf but also to live in our shoes. Heart-shattering betrayal is one of the hardest experiences we encounter. To know how to best bind up the heart broken by betrayal, Christ chose to experience it...."
Wow!! He loves me so much that He was willing to endure betrayal and abuse that I would experience years upon years later just so He knew how best to bind up my broken heart! He chose to experience what I would experience just so He knew how it felt so He knew how to heal me! Wow. What love is this that He would die for me, take the nails for me, just to save me?
And you know what? I've been learning that His love is not like human love. His love is unfailing, unconditional, unending, complete, and so much more. When I think of the word 'unfailing,' I think of phrases and words like 'does not fail', 'will not fail', 'incapable of failing', 'perfect', 'will not let me down'.
When I think of the word 'unconditional', I remember that I don't have to do anything to have His love. He loves me no matter what! And He will never stop loving me no matter what I do!
When I reflect on the word 'unending', I think of the math class I am in. We have discussed that numbers are infinite: that there are 'infinitely many'. Well, His love is the same. It is infinite! It does not end! It cannot end. It does not meet at a point, but keeps going and going. It has no beginning, but always has been. That means He has loved me even before I was a thought in my parent's minds. He loved me before I was even conceived!!! He loves me infinitely!!!
His love is also complete. It has no holes or mistakes. His love is also perfect. It is blemish free!
There are so many words to describe His love. The psalmist says, "Your love, O LORD, is as vast as the Heavens...." We all know the sky does not have a point at which it meets. It keeps going. It is vast!!! We cannot see the end or the beginning of it! It's the same with His love!
Wow! "Lord, instil this in me that you love me this much! Help me break down my walls and take the shield away so that you can pierce me with your love for me. Help me to let me love you!!!"
He loves you this much!
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