I learned something from my roommate last year. She was constantly asking me what lies I was believing and then asking me what the truth was. The lesson I learned was to constantly point myself back to the truth when I find I am believing lies. So, that's what I've begun to do. It's time I stop listening to and believing these lies and confront the truth.
In the midst of discovering truth about one of my lies, I came upon Deuteronomy 1:32, but more so, Deuteronomy 1:26-46. It's the account of Israel's rebellion against the Lord. Verse 32 really caught my attention. Here's what it says: "But even after all He did, you refused to trust the Lord your God, who goes before you looking for the best places to camp, guiding you with a pillar of fire by night and a pillar of cloud by day."
I read ahead and was caught by verses 42-45. It reads, "But the Lord told me to tell you, 'Do not attack, for I am not with you. If you go ahead on your own, you will be crushed by your enemies.' This is what I told you, but you would not listen. Instead, you again rebelled against the Lord's command and arrogantly went into the hill country to fight. But the Amorites who lived there came out against you like a swarm of bees. They chased and battered you all the way from Seir to Hormah. Then you returned and wept before the Lord, but He refused to listen. So, you stayed there at Kadesh for a long time."
God told them what to do or not do, and they disobeyed and in the end got hurt. If they would have just trusted Him....
So, I have another confession: I've been a rebellious Israelite. I've not trusted Him, even after all He has done for me. I have refused Him. Maybe it's arrogance, maybe it's fear. Or, maybe it's both. Arrogance because I think that I know what's best for me. Fear because of the lies I've been believing. But, hasn't He proved Himself over and over to me?
Jeremiah 29:11 says that His plans for me are good. Isaiah 55:8-9 says, "My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the Lord. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."
Isiah 30:18 says, "So the Lord must wait on you to come to Him so He can show you His love and compassion. For the Lord is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for His help."
I could copy down handfuls of verses that talk about trust and how God is good and trustworthy, but only until I believe them do they have any meaning. Not only believing them, but responding to them give them meaning.
I think the definition of trust is an interesting one. It means:
1. reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.
2. confident expectation of something; hope.
4. a person on whom or thing on which one relies: God is my trust.
5. the condition of one to whom something has been entrusted.
6. the obligation or responsibility imposed on a person in whom confidence or authority is placed: a position of trust.
7. charge, custody, or care: to leave valuables in someone's trust.
8. something committed or entrusted to one's care for use or safekeeping, as an office, duty, or the like; responsibility; charge.
I like number 6, especially. It is the obligation or responsibility imposed on a person in whom confidence or authority is placed. To impose is to thrust something upon others. I think it's interesting that God calls us to trust Him. He invites us to impose on Him the confidence we have that He won't fail or disappoint us. That is something that no human can have imposed upon them and uphold. I also like that He invites us to thrust it upon Him. We don't even have to ask. He wants us to lay our entire being on Him.
I love number 7 of the definition of trust. In one sense, trust is to leave our valuables in someone's trust. And trust in this sense is that person's care, or even in their hands. We are putting our valuables in someone else's hands.
All of the things that God is asking me to trust Him with are valuable. I am being asked to trust Him with the unknown. I value the known. He is asking me to trust Him by giving up my control. I value having control. He is asking me to trust Him with my heart. I value protecting my heart. He is asking me to trust Him by letting Him lead me. I value being able to see where I'm going.
Not only is He asking me to trust Him with these things, but He is asking me to be still and know that He is God. Still means:
I like number 6, especially. It is the obligation or responsibility imposed on a person in whom confidence or authority is placed. To impose is to thrust something upon others. I think it's interesting that God calls us to trust Him. He invites us to impose on Him the confidence we have that He won't fail or disappoint us. That is something that no human can have imposed upon them and uphold. I also like that He invites us to thrust it upon Him. We don't even have to ask. He wants us to lay our entire being on Him.
I love number 7 of the definition of trust. In one sense, trust is to leave our valuables in someone's trust. And trust in this sense is that person's care, or even in their hands. We are putting our valuables in someone else's hands.
All of the things that God is asking me to trust Him with are valuable. I am being asked to trust Him with the unknown. I value the known. He is asking me to trust Him by giving up my control. I value having control. He is asking me to trust Him with my heart. I value protecting my heart. He is asking me to trust Him by letting Him lead me. I value being able to see where I'm going.
Not only is He asking me to trust Him with these things, but He is asking me to be still and know that He is God. Still means:
1. remaining in place or at rest; motionless; stationary: to stand still.
2. free from sound or noise, as a place or persons; silent: to keep still about a matter.
3. subdued or low in sound; hushed: a still, small voice.
4. free from turbulence or commotion; peaceful; tranquil; calm: the still air.
5. without waves or perceptible current; not flowing, as water.
I have been anything but still these last few weeks. I have been going about, trying to figure out this and make sense of that. I've been talking to many people, trying to get their opinions, hoping they're what I'm looking for, even though I have no idea what I'm searching for. I have had so many questions that I've been trying to figure out the answers to. And all God is asking of me is to be still and know that He is God.
This message was spoken to me multiple times this morning in church. First, a man came up to me and told me that I popped into his mind last night while he was working and the Lord told Him I needed to know to be still and know that He is God. There is no way he could have known I needed to hear that, because he knows nothing of what I'm wrestling with. Then, the worship leader, during the service, said that someone needed to know this morning that God does not want to be among other gods in our lives. He wants to be the only one and He wants to come before, amidst, and after other people, meaning that He wants me to come to Him before other people. I felt she was talking directly to me, so I'm going to write it as if she was. She said that He will answer my questions in His time, and that I need to wait on Him. He will reveal to me what I need to know when I need to know it, but that I need to be still and know that He is God.
I think God is trying to get a message across to me. And I'm being a rebellious Israelite. I've had so many thoughts this week, too. The enemy is definitely trying to work in my life, and I've been allowing him. Some of the thoughts he's put into my head have been about suicide and hurting myself and turning to different things either for comfort or to ignore everything else. I've struggled with turning to food for comfort and then thoughts of getting rid of it by purging. I've felt worthless, abandoned, ashamed, ugly, unwanted, like people can't handle me (God included), hopeless, and I'm sure so much more that I can't yet identify.
I know that if I don't start trusting God, things are just going to be worse for me. It's not only about trusting Him for my own benefit, but it's about being obedient. I don't want to keep running, but I need His help to remain. I don't want to end up like the Israelites: hurt and having my cries ignored by God because I wasn't obedient. I'm at a compromise. I keep going down my path, or I can trust where He is leading me, which He promises is good.
One of the verses I found while I was trying to search for the truth about one of my lies reads, "Then Abraham waited patiently, and he received what God had promised." We all know the story of Abraham. God told him to leave everything he knew and follow Him to a place where He would lead him. Abraham had no idea where he was being led, but He trusted God and followed. God told him that he would be made into a great nation, that He would bless him and make him famous, and that he would be a blessing to others. He told him He would bless those who bless him and curse those who treat him with contempt. He said that all the families on earth would be blessed through him.
That is quite the promise! But God kept it. All Abraham had to do was wait patiently on the Lord and trust Him. God proved Himself faithful, good, and trustworthy in Abraham's situation. This is true even where He asked Abraham to sacrifice his son. What makes me think I'm any different than Abraham, or that God is different today?
God, touch this rebellious Israelite. Thank you for being so patient with me. Please keep pursuing me. Don't give up on me. I'm almost there.
I have been anything but still these last few weeks. I have been going about, trying to figure out this and make sense of that. I've been talking to many people, trying to get their opinions, hoping they're what I'm looking for, even though I have no idea what I'm searching for. I have had so many questions that I've been trying to figure out the answers to. And all God is asking of me is to be still and know that He is God.
This message was spoken to me multiple times this morning in church. First, a man came up to me and told me that I popped into his mind last night while he was working and the Lord told Him I needed to know to be still and know that He is God. There is no way he could have known I needed to hear that, because he knows nothing of what I'm wrestling with. Then, the worship leader, during the service, said that someone needed to know this morning that God does not want to be among other gods in our lives. He wants to be the only one and He wants to come before, amidst, and after other people, meaning that He wants me to come to Him before other people. I felt she was talking directly to me, so I'm going to write it as if she was. She said that He will answer my questions in His time, and that I need to wait on Him. He will reveal to me what I need to know when I need to know it, but that I need to be still and know that He is God.
I think God is trying to get a message across to me. And I'm being a rebellious Israelite. I've had so many thoughts this week, too. The enemy is definitely trying to work in my life, and I've been allowing him. Some of the thoughts he's put into my head have been about suicide and hurting myself and turning to different things either for comfort or to ignore everything else. I've struggled with turning to food for comfort and then thoughts of getting rid of it by purging. I've felt worthless, abandoned, ashamed, ugly, unwanted, like people can't handle me (God included), hopeless, and I'm sure so much more that I can't yet identify.
I know that if I don't start trusting God, things are just going to be worse for me. It's not only about trusting Him for my own benefit, but it's about being obedient. I don't want to keep running, but I need His help to remain. I don't want to end up like the Israelites: hurt and having my cries ignored by God because I wasn't obedient. I'm at a compromise. I keep going down my path, or I can trust where He is leading me, which He promises is good.
One of the verses I found while I was trying to search for the truth about one of my lies reads, "Then Abraham waited patiently, and he received what God had promised." We all know the story of Abraham. God told him to leave everything he knew and follow Him to a place where He would lead him. Abraham had no idea where he was being led, but He trusted God and followed. God told him that he would be made into a great nation, that He would bless him and make him famous, and that he would be a blessing to others. He told him He would bless those who bless him and curse those who treat him with contempt. He said that all the families on earth would be blessed through him.
That is quite the promise! But God kept it. All Abraham had to do was wait patiently on the Lord and trust Him. God proved Himself faithful, good, and trustworthy in Abraham's situation. This is true even where He asked Abraham to sacrifice his son. What makes me think I'm any different than Abraham, or that God is different today?
God, touch this rebellious Israelite. Thank you for being so patient with me. Please keep pursuing me. Don't give up on me. I'm almost there.
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