It all comes down to trust

There have been so many things going on since I met my dad. I won't bore you with all the mess, my confusion, and my wrestling, but I want to share with you something that I felt the Lord asking me to remember in this time.

One of the things I've been wrestling with is this: In order for the Lord to really heal me, and in order for me to receive complete freedom, am I going to have to remember my past?

Some people say no, and in a sense manipulate Scripture. Why would a good God want to cause pain for His children? He's protecting me by allowing me to not remember, some have said. But, how can you heal from something you don't remember? Can you get freedom from something you don't remember, but have heard about all your life?

It's like this.... Well, I wanted to come up with an analogy, but I can't think of one. Anyway, I've been told all my life that I was abused, but I don't remember it. How can I get healing from it since I don't remember it? Does this analogy work: It's like being told that you lost something, but you don't remember ever losing it, and you have never had that thing, so how do you find it? Maybe this doesn't work, but I hope you get the picture.

Anyway, going back to my question. Is it necessary that I remember the abuse in order to be healed and freed of it? This is my fear: remembering. In my own opinion, I don't know how else I can be healed of it other than by remembering.

And if this is the case, then I'm finally going to get to the point that I've been wanting to make. God reminded me that even if I am caused to remember, God is still good. Even if I do remember, His plan is still good and He is still safe, good, true, loving, trustworthy, and He still has me.

As I was writing this, I Skyped one of my friends to ask her what she thought about all of this. While I was typing my question to her, I realized that does my question really even matter? Either way, God is calling me to trust Him. Whether or not He is going to cause me to remember is really of no concern to me. I just need to obey Him by trusting Him with where He is leading me.

So, the moral of this post is that it all comes down to trust. My doubts, confusion, fears, questions...none of it matters. The only thing that matters is the question of will or won't I trust Him. That's the only answer I need right now.