Surrender

So, you know the little girl who is screaming, kicking, and flailing while her dad holds her in his arms and her fit only makes him hold onto her even tighter? That's me. And I'm done throwing my tantrum. I'm ready to surrender.

Surrender. My definition is 'letting go; to give up; to release my grip on whatever it is I'm holding onto so tightly.'

I've been fighting for a really long time. It's only about time I wore myself to exhaustion with this tantrum. So, what have I been holding onto?

A longing. A desire. A dream.

A longing, a desire, and a dream that one day, I will know the hug of an earthly father; that I will know what it is to be able to cry on a dad's shoulder, sit in his lap...to have a physically intimate relationship with a daddy that is completely innocent and pure.

But, I know this is not possible here on earth.

I also know that God can fill this longing. But, how? He's not a physical God; He's not tangible.

This is where my dilemma falls: How do I have this physically intimate father/daughter relationship with a God who is not tangible?

The answer: He wants me to stop looking to others to fill them, because they can't. He wants me to look to the One who can. He wants me to give those desires, longings, and dreams back to the One who gave them to me in the first place.

Whoa! Wait! What? Give them back?!?

I know. That's what I thought. I thought, "How can I do that? That is admitting they will never be filled on earth in the tangible way I want."

He has shown me through my wrestling with Him on this that no, they will never be filled the way I want, but they will be filled. And if they will never be filled on earth, why hang onto something that will only remain empty?

He will fill them. Not only is He able, but He is willing.

It just won't be the way I want or am expecting.

He knows what is best for me. He knows me inside and out.

But, to surrender this means I have to have a child-like faith, and the trust a child has in her father.

God has already shown me He is good in other areas. What makes me think He won't be in this area? Of course, the enemy and the doubts he puts into my mind. But, Satan is a liar. So, what he tells me is a lie. I know my God is good.

So, this trust I need to have...it's a feeling like none I can explain. It is the calm after the storm. It's the daughter hanging limp in her Father's arms after she's exhausted herself from her tantrum. It's knowing that nothing bad is going to happen, because she is in her Father's arms and they are strong. It is knowing that He wasn't about to let her go during her tantrum, and He's not going to now. It's knowing that He walks beside her, hand in hand, down a road unknown to her. It is knowing that it is safe to surrender.

And I know all of these things, because He is good.