I Once Was So Lost...

I once was so lost,
but now I'm found.
I was so bound,
but now I'm free.
He has broken my chains,
and I'll say it again:

I am free!

I sat in darkness so dark
I thought I'd never escape.
I thought light was a thing of my past.
I thought it would never pierce my darkness.

But I was wrong.
Light came.

My demons surrounded me,
taunted me,
haunted me.
They made escape seem impossible.

I dreamed of things at night that haunted me in the day.
My demons laughed in my face those nightmarish nights.
They tormented me,
refusing to let go.

I had cutting,
and I had fear.
I had anger,
and I had pain.
I had shame,
and I had hate.

My head was downcast,
my eyes refused to meet yours.

It seemed I had lost my faith.
I clawed at what I doubted, and could not see.
The demons inside screamed when I was in church.
They demanded I deny His existence.
But, I couldn't.
Those words would not come out of my mouth.
Something would not let them.

I should be dead,
in the ground.

That demon suicide teased me.
He almost won.
But, I had a Spirit inside me, fighting for me.
He was my will to live, to remain alive,
even when I wanted to give up.

By God's grace alone I am alive.

He sustained me.
He carried me.
He was my light.
He brought me up out of the pit I was in.
He set my feet on the rock,
and put a new song in my mouth.
He filled me to overflowing with joy.

And He gave me the victory.

Today is April 7th.
I celebrate two months of victory over and freedom from my demons of self-injury and suicidal thoughts.

I'll declare it for all to hear:

I AM FREE!!!

He broke my chains and delivered me!

I AM FREE!!!