Redeemed

This is my anthem right now. I am redeemed. I've always been redeemed, but now I'm living in it.

It's amazing the things God can redeem. There have been so many things in my life that I thought were nonredeemable. Maybe sometimes I forget who my God is. He can redeem anything. 

I'm not who I used to be. That couldn't be any truer in my case. When I look back on who I used to be before Mercy, I cringe. But, it amazes me that God loves the girl that I used to be, just as He loves the girl I am now. Isn't that crazy? When we're at our worst, He loves us all the same: not more, not less. 

I used to hate my name. I hated that it was Mindy. It seemed like such a girly name and it didn't fit me. But, more than my name, I hated myself. I hated who I was. I saw myself as fat, ugly, dirty, worthless, useless....I didn't want to be me. God has been redeeming that, though. I love myself now. I love who I am. I know who I am. I didn't have any idea who I was before. I love my name. I am cute. I am beautiful. I am clean. I am loved. I am a girl and I'm okay with that. My sexuality is being redeemed. I never thought that was possible.

I never thought my mind would or could be so free and clear as it is right now. Before Mercy, my mind was plagued with so many things that haunted me day and night. I couldn't really think about anything other than what was going on inside my mind. There was so much darkness there. But God has redeemed my mind. Hallelujah! My mind is so clear and free! I don't know if I ever remember a time it was free. The darkness is gone and so are the things that haunted it before. For the first time in a long time, I am able to think about things that are outside of myself. My mind isn't spending energy trying to process anything traumatic, like it was before. 

My emotions have also been redeemed. I know it's okay to express emotion. Before, I hated emotion, especially crying. I know that I don't have to be slave to my emotions. And I know that I'm not alone in them. God is with me in every single emotion and He accepts me in them. 

Life and joy have been restored to me. Sometimes I get a little mournful, because so much time has been lost in my life trying to deal with the issues I had. My college years are one of the things I mourn. If I could, I would take my post-Mercy self, rewind time, and do college again. But, I can't. So I put my trust in the God who has redeemed so much already, trusting Him to redeem the time that the locusts have eaten. 

I will never be the same girl I was before Mercy. God has redeemed me from the pit of hell. He has set my feet on the rock that is His salvation and has put a new song in my mouth. To Him be the glory! 

_______________________________

Seems like all I can see was the struggle
Haunted by ghosts that lived in my past
Bound up in shackles of all my failures
Wondering how long is this gonna last
Then You look at this prisoner and say to me “son
stop fighting a fight that’s already been won”

I am redeemed, You set me free
So I’ll shake off these heavy chains
Wipe away every stain
Now I’m not who I used to be
I am redeemed
I’m redeemed

All my life I have been called unworthy
Named by the voice of my shame and regret
But when I hear You whisper, “Child lift up your head”
I remember oh God, You’re not done with me yet 

Because I don’t have to be the old man inside of me
Cause his day is long dead and gone
Because I’ve got a new name, a new life I’m not the same
And a hope that will carry me home

Oh God I’m not who I used to be
Jesus I’m not who I used to be
‘Cause I am redeemed
Thank God, redeemed