Choices

Everyone has choices. We make many choices every day...about what we will wear, eat, where we will go and not go, what we will do and not do, what we will say and not say.... Basically everything we do is a choice. I'm making a choice right now to put my sleep on hold to write this post. You're making a choice to read it when you could be doing something else. Everything is a choice.

Even our response to things is a choice.

I grew up thinking that everything is my fault. I feared, and still fear, my mom's response to things because I think that if something I tell her causes her to be upset and she does something stupid, then her reaction is my fault. But I'm learning that this is not the case.

I had a situation in the past where I had to cut off a destructive friendship. It wasn't easy. Through the whole thing, I feared that what I said to my 'friend' would cause her to go do something stupid, resulting in hurting herself. I feared this because she used it as manipulation to get what she wanted.

I've recently had a similar, yet very different, situation arise. I'm in the process of distancing myself from this person, yet fear her response. As I was discussing it with my best friend today, I realized that I have a choice to make. I can choose to believe that whatever her reaction is is my fault, or believe that it's not.

As I was journaling tonight, I wrote this:
"I need to learn that I am not responsible for other people's reactions/actions. Like with my friend, I was so afraid that she would hurt herself because of what I said to her. But, if she would have, it would not have been my fault. However this other friend reacts to me distancing myself from her is her choice and responsibility, not mine. If I call my best friend a bad name or something, she has a choice of how she will respond. She could say, "Okay, that was not okay...Mindy, we need to talk about this." Or, she could say, "Well, that Mindy...she made me feel so bad about myself so I'm going to go hurt myself because I feel bad and hurt." She has a choice how she is going to respond or react to what I said. Whatever she chooses is not my fault. I have absolutely nothing to do with her choice of reaction."

This realization is very freeing. It frees me from taking on guilt and responsibility that is not mine in the first place. Even though I've had this realization, which I wish I would have had a long time ago, I still struggle with being afraid of what another person's reaction will be. But, I need to constantly remind myself that whatever they choose to do or how they choose to react is absolutely not my fault.

We all have choices and no one can make them for us.