Trusting in His Promise

I have been wearing a penny on my wrist for almost two years. I began wearing it as a reminder to trust God after I heard a story about it. The other day, I decided I was going to make it into a necklace to make room on my wrist for my friendship bracelet. In the process of turning it into a necklace, I kept hearing the words "trust" and "promise". In fact, each time I think of my penny, I hear those two words. But, what do they have in common?

I only wish I knew.

I have always struggled with trust. Not just trusting God, but trusting myself and other people. I have always had walls up for protection because once, my trust was betrayed, and I don't want it to happen again. So, I have had this wall up, thinking it was protecting me. But I know it was only keeping me from some good things. It was keeping me from freedom. I was bound by thinking that I couldn't trust anyone, including God: especially God, and that I was never going to be safe if I trusted anyone. But, this year changed that way of thinking.

I came through a lot of hard things this past year. I had to face accepting the truth about my past and had to trust in order to do so. I also came face to face with my desire for a father. I begged God to take it away, but each time I asked, He said no. I didn't understand. If He didn't want me to hurt, then why wouldn't He take it away? Boy, did it hurt. But then I came to understand why He denied me each time. It was because He wanted to fill that place inside where only a Father could fill. He wanted to show me that He could fill the hunger in my heart for a father. He is still showing me this, even as I long for an earthly father. But through this, He showed me that I can trust Him as a father. It is okay for me to trust Him. He won't hurt me nor will He fail me. That's one lesson I'm still learning, and sometimes forget.

But, how does this fit in with this other word, "promise"?

I keep hearing both of them every time I think of or see my penny. I'm not quite sure, but I think it has something to do with me trusting God that He is going to keep His promises. What promises those are, I don't know. But I know they are going to be good. His promises are always good. This is why He is teaching me to trust in His promises. It's why I'm learning to trust in Him.

I feel like this should go deeper, but I really don't know what else to say. I can't put into words how I feel about these two words and the sense I get each time I hear them. I don't know what God is trying to tell me, but I can't wait until I do. I know it is going to be good. This is the part where trusting Him comes into play.

But it's so hard to wait on the unknown.