God has been in the process of refining me lately. The definition of 'refine' according to dictionary.com is "to bring to a fine or pure state; free from impurities; to purify from what is coarse, vulgar, or debasing; make elegant or cultured; to reduce to a pure state; purify; to remove by purifying; to become free of impurities". I could go on and on about this definition, but it is pretty clear. This definition gets me excited about this refining process. All the impurities are going to be gone and I will be pure. But, one thing.
It takes fire.
When you refine metals, you use fire. The metal has to get hot enough in order to remove things.
Isaiah 48:10 "I have refined you, but not as silver is refined. Rather, I have refined you in the furnace of suffering."
Ouch, God. This fire hurts. It's hot, but how else is He going to get out the impurities?
Through this refining process, God has been teaching me a lot. When I realized I was going to have to talk about and deal with some things that were very difficult, I didn't know how I could do that and not hate myself. I felt like the stuff inside was so...well...impure, that I couldn't face it without feeling shame and self-hatred. One day when I was at work, I was in my own world with music blasting in my ear buds, talking to God. He impressed this upon me:
"Mindy, I know the stuff inside you. I know what is there. I know you, I see you, and I love you. You don't have to hate yourself."
I was blown away. 'What? I don't have to hate myself?' Wow. This was only confirmed a week later in chapel when the speaker said this:
"When we are before Christ, we can look at ourselves honestly because He sees us, He knows us, and He loves us."
Wow! Wow, God! I know that He wants to refine me and it's okay. It's okay to acknowledge these things inside because He loves me. He sees them and knows they are there, but loves me anyway! Wow!
The other thing He has been teaching me is this:
"Mindy, when you are weak, I am strong."
These two things I have had to remind myself of daily. They give me great comfort and hope, as well as strength. He is my strength when I am weak. This refining process is going to make me weak. The fire is hot and it takes a lot out the thing being refined. But, no matter how weak I get, He is my strength and will help me make it through.
Already I have recognized that my flesh and my spirit are warring with one another. My flesh wants out of this fire because it hurts and is hard. On the other hand, my spirit knows it has to remain even when the fire gets hotter. I know that even though it is hard, I am excited to see the end result. He is making me into a thing of beauty, pure, and elegant. He is making me into the vessel He wants to use for His glory. I am excited to see how He is going to use me, and how it is going to be a testimony to others that refining, redemption, and restoration is possible. After all,
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans not to harm you, but to give you a hope and a future."
and
Isaiah 55:8-9 "My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the Lord. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."
He knows what's best for me.
Lord, help me to remain in this fire. Even when the heat gets to be unbearable, help me stay there. I know you have good things for me and I know this is what you want to do in my life. Thank you for your refinery. Thank you that you love me too much to leave me the way you found me. Thank you for how you are going to use me. I am your vessel, to be used for your glory. Here I am. I am yours. Amen.
It takes fire.
When you refine metals, you use fire. The metal has to get hot enough in order to remove things.
Isaiah 48:10 "I have refined you, but not as silver is refined. Rather, I have refined you in the furnace of suffering."
Ouch, God. This fire hurts. It's hot, but how else is He going to get out the impurities?
Through this refining process, God has been teaching me a lot. When I realized I was going to have to talk about and deal with some things that were very difficult, I didn't know how I could do that and not hate myself. I felt like the stuff inside was so...well...impure, that I couldn't face it without feeling shame and self-hatred. One day when I was at work, I was in my own world with music blasting in my ear buds, talking to God. He impressed this upon me:
"Mindy, I know the stuff inside you. I know what is there. I know you, I see you, and I love you. You don't have to hate yourself."
I was blown away. 'What? I don't have to hate myself?' Wow. This was only confirmed a week later in chapel when the speaker said this:
"When we are before Christ, we can look at ourselves honestly because He sees us, He knows us, and He loves us."
Wow! Wow, God! I know that He wants to refine me and it's okay. It's okay to acknowledge these things inside because He loves me. He sees them and knows they are there, but loves me anyway! Wow!
The other thing He has been teaching me is this:
"Mindy, when you are weak, I am strong."
These two things I have had to remind myself of daily. They give me great comfort and hope, as well as strength. He is my strength when I am weak. This refining process is going to make me weak. The fire is hot and it takes a lot out the thing being refined. But, no matter how weak I get, He is my strength and will help me make it through.
Already I have recognized that my flesh and my spirit are warring with one another. My flesh wants out of this fire because it hurts and is hard. On the other hand, my spirit knows it has to remain even when the fire gets hotter. I know that even though it is hard, I am excited to see the end result. He is making me into a thing of beauty, pure, and elegant. He is making me into the vessel He wants to use for His glory. I am excited to see how He is going to use me, and how it is going to be a testimony to others that refining, redemption, and restoration is possible. After all,
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord, "plans not to harm you, but to give you a hope and a future."
and
Isaiah 55:8-9 "My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts," says the Lord. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."
He knows what's best for me.
Lord, help me to remain in this fire. Even when the heat gets to be unbearable, help me stay there. I know you have good things for me and I know this is what you want to do in my life. Thank you for your refinery. Thank you that you love me too much to leave me the way you found me. Thank you for how you are going to use me. I am your vessel, to be used for your glory. Here I am. I am yours. Amen.
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