Something about Sundays and Seven

Sunday, February 7th, 2010, things changed.

I wasn't supposed to be here, in more than one way. From November to that day in February, I had struggled with self injury, suicidal thoughts, hating myself, demons, and darkness. I felt far away from God, like I was in the enemy's hand, and that there was no hope for me. I would stand in church and want to run out, screaming that there was no God. I was angry and hurting, broken and on the way to destruction. I wasn't supposed to be there.

Not only was I not supposed to be there that day because of all that stuff, but because I was supposed to be on a wing retreat with the women of 3rd Center English Hall. What prevented us from going was a snow storm. We remained on campus, thus able to attend church on Sunday.

I wasn't expecting church to be any different that day, or for anything extraordinary to happen. I was simply doing the 'Christian duty' at that point, because it was expected of me. But, when is God ever ordinary?

After worship, another time of me standing with my hands in my pockets, observing everyone else worshiping, bound in my chains, the pastor began his sermon. He spoke of the night before, and how the Spirit would not leave him alone. The sermon he had prepared he was not to preach. He had to change his message entirely. He believed that God had a message for someone, but he wasn't sure who. My ears perked at this.

He began by saying that when we ask 'Why? Why me? Why did this happen to me?', and those kinds of questions, it gives the enemy opportunity to come in and flood us with his lies. Boy, he was right on.

The next thing he said that was crucial to me at this point, which was his entire message, was that we are not alone. He said that we may be in the most difficult battle of our lives, but we are not without help. This was definitely something that I needed to hear because I had been feeling that I was alone. This was good news.

Another thing he said that morning that was crucial was that the enemy might say, "I've got you", but he never has us because God has us in His hand. Just that week, I had been feeling like the enemy had me in his grasp and I did not know how to get free. As I said earlier, I felt so far away from God and felt like there was no hope for me.

The pastor also told me in that sermon that God is stronger than anything in my life: stronger than the circumstances, struggles, sin...and that He is not intimidated by any of it.

And that He loves me right where I am today.

If God could love me right where I was at that point in time, maybe there was hope for me, after all.

There was an altar call to which I did not hesitate to answer. The walk to the altar from my seat was a teary-eyed one, and once there, the tears proceeded to fall from my eyes. I wept and wept. I was prayed over and demons were cast out in the name of Jesus and the enemy told to leave.

And something happened.

I felt the change as I left the altar that morning, and continued to feel it through the week. From that point, I began to actually talk to God. I had never talked to Him before, because I felt stupid. But, I began to talk to Him. I began to be honest with Him, pouring out my heart before my Father. And it was good.

He began to work. He began to talk to me, or rather I began to hear Him. He spoke things to me that were confirmed later through people who had no idea about what He had spoken to me.

Not only did we begin to converse back and forth, but He began refining me. He has been breaking me, only to make me into a masterpiece, purified from the furnace of suffering. He is going to use me in great ways for His glory. He is going to show the world His glory through me.

He is setting me free.

That Sunday, the entire sermon was important for me to hear. It was what I needed. I'm convinced it was specifically for me, the snowstorm was specifically so that we would have to stay on campus, and He wanted to change me that morning. And He did. He began it and will continue it.

Which leads me to today. Today is Sunday, March 7th, 2010. Exactly one month later.

I can hardly believe that so much has taken place in one month. God is soo good. My God is soo good.

There is something about Sundays. They are the Lord's day. Every day is His day, but Sunday is special. Sunday is the day where we get to praise Him for what He is doing.

And there is something about the number seven. It is the Lord's number. The number 7 represents purification.

Yeah, that's right: purification.

He is refining me, and the definition of 'refine' means 'to purify from what is coarse, vulgar, or debasing....to purify'. He is purifying me.

February 7th began a change.
March 7th marks one month of freedom and victory.

Both happen on a Sunday. Both happen on the 7th.

Is God good, or what?

Not just good: He's intoxicating. Overwhelming. Wonderful.

He's my Freedom. My Purification. My Victory.

To Him be the glory forever. And may my praise to Him be uninhibited and loud.

Thank you, Dad, for what you are doing and have done in my life, in me.