Something Worth Fighting For

I went on a run today in Murphy's, CA after my counseling appointment. I ended up at the new memorial for those who have lost their lives serving our country. I found a place to sit, and then stared at this:

 I was captivated. I couldn't stop looking at it. Never have I been so captivated by a sculpture like this. Honestly, it's never had my interest. But today I couldn't stop looking at it.

And I couldn't help but sit and think.

I thought about the battle this man must have had to face, and many others like him. I couldn't help but think about why he would choose to fight, or about what the cost of fighting might be.

And did you see his face?

The look on his face is that of determination. He is on a mission. But, why?

Because he knows that what he is fighting for is worth fighting for. He is fighting for freedom. Isn't that what every soldier in every battle fights for?

In the midst of being so captivated by this sculpture and my thoughts about it, I couldn't help but think about my own battle.

When I was in college, my best friend would always ask me,
"Mindy, what are we fighting for?" 
"Freedom," I'd say.
Because that is what I was fighting for.

And it's what I'm still fighting for. The battle has been and is so long and hard and I've lost my focus and it doesn't seem to be worth it.

But it is, because freedom of any kind is always worth fighting for. I don't always see that it's worth it, though, especially when the battle is raging and I'm bloody and worn tired from the fight. But, just like this soldier had an army with him, I have one with me to remind me that there is something worth fighting for and that this battle is not the end.

It's only the beginning.

And the beginning is also worth fighting for.

Hands Full of _________.

I went for a run today for the first time in a while. If you've been following me on Facebook, you'd know that I've been finding tons of hearts. Everywhere. I found many on my run today. If you've been reading my blog, you might know that I also find pennies, and to me, they are God asking me if I trust Him.

Today, I found two pennies, one right after the other, with just a few footsteps in between. Of course, I picked both of them up. Sometimes I'm not sure why I pick them up, since my heart doesn't seem to respond to them. But, maybe in picking them up, my heart is responding even in the slightest bit.

Anyhow, I picked one penny up with my right hand, and the other one up with my left. As soon as both hands were holding a penny, I heard,

"When your hands are filled with trust, what else can they be filled with?" 

We fill our hands with many things: worry, confusion, fear, doubt, (pick your poison). But, if our hands are filled with trust, there's not room for any of those other things. If we hold onto trust, there's nothing else to hold onto.

                                   So, what are you holding onto? What are your hands full of?

Trust Me...

Has anyone ever told you to trust them? I'm sure we've all heard it multiple times in our lives and in multiple forms:

"Just trust me."
"Trust me, you'll love it!"
"Trust me. It'll be good."
"Believe me, it'll be okay."
"I know...believe me."
"I know...trust me."

Any of those sound familiar?

I found a bunch of pennies the other day.

Since I read one of those "forward this" emails during my Freshman year of college, pennies have always been to me God's way of asking, "Do you trust Me?" He's always asking me that, probably because I don't fully trust Him.

Trust has always been a big issue for me. ALWAYS. But He has never stopped asking that question. Especially lately, trust is a necessity. There are so many things going on in my world that are out of my control, that I desperately need to trust Him. He knows this, so is continuously asking me to trust Him.

But, my answer has continuously been, "No". Instead, I'm worried about the outcome of some situations.

I'm afraid to trust. Remember that I said trust has always been a big issue? Well, if you forgot, let me say it again: trust has always been a big issue for me. I've had my trust betrayed. I've been hurt because I trusted. You might be thinking, "But, God's not like man...." Yeah, I know that. But that doesn't help my heart to trust. That doesn't cause my walls and guards to crumble to the ground. I wish it did, but it doesn't.

But that's not to say God doesn't try. He's trying right now. He's speaking a language I understand to help my heart to trust Him. That language is this:

I opened this post by asking if anyone has ever said to you, "Just trust me...." Usually, when someone says that, it's because they have experienced for themselves what you are about to experience, and they know it's good. Or, it's more than likely because the outcome of whatever they're asking you to trust them about is going to be good. Right? Otherwise, they wouldn't say it.

God knows that the outcome of the situations I'm in are going to be good. Otherwise, He wouldn't be asking me to trust Him.

I'm reminded of Jeremiah 29:11,

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."

 as well as Proverbs 3:5-6,

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not upon your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.

[Honestly, all of this is head-knowledge...right now. Hopefully, it'll become heart-knowledge for me. But, in the mean time, I thought I'd share what God showed me with this. It helps my heart to grow closer to trusting Him when He shares things with me that I can make sense of intellectually and logically. That was the language I was speaking of.]

If He didn't mean it...if it wasn't true, He wouldn't have said it. Right? So while my heart doesn't yet trust Him fully, it is a little bit closer.