Testimony

I was in the dark. I sank further into it with each step I took. And I didn't care.

All it took to get me here were some words from other people that frustrated my own doubts and confusion. Satan is wily that way.

I began doing things I had never done before...drinking, to name one. I only really drank one time, and only to the point of being buzzed. Why? To try and escape what I was feeling...to escape all the confusion and chaos I found myself in. I was two steps from leaving the church and abandoning my First Love.

And I could do nothing about it.

I didn't know how to get myself out. I just couldn't. The enemy spoke his lies into my head and heart and I believed them.

I know how David felt. There are many pages in my journal, one after another, of me crying out to God in that time..."How long, Lord? When? I can't pull myself out...I don't know how to get myself out of this" was my cry. I could have written some of the Psalms.

And in the midst of my chaos, confusion, doubts, fears, raw honesty about where I was, frustration, rebellion...God was there. He was faithful when I was not. He chased me when I ran. He heard and answered my cry for help. He pulled me out of that pit I found myself in and forgave me. He restored me unto Himself and is continuing to restore me. He spoke through a woman I didn't know, and she didn't know me. She told me I needed to draw a line in the sand and not let the enemy come any further.

And I did.

Because of that decision, the Holy Spirit has come and girded me with strength and determination: determination that I had lost. I am fighting back. I am an overcomer! I am victorious! I will stand and not be moved! I am tired of my inconsistency. With God's help, I am changing. Praise God, He does not condemn me, so I do not have to be condemned! He is revealing Himself to me and it is good!

Praise God, He doesn't leave us in our pits!