for His glory

It's hard to understand why bad things happen. Why do people go through disease and suffering? Especially God followers. You'd think that God would keep you from those things once you decide to follow Him, but, from what I've seen, that's not the case.

I always struggled with passages like Jeremiah 18:3-6:

'So I went down to the potter's house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him. Then the word of the LORD came to me. He said, "Can I not do with you, Israel, as this potter does?" declares the LORD. "Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, Israel.'

And Romans 9:20-24:

'But who are you, O man, to answer back to God? Will what is molded say to its molder, "Why have you made me like this?" Has the potter no right over the clay, to make out of the same lump one vessel for honorable use and another for dishonorable use? What if God, desiring to show his wrath and to make known his power, has endured with much patience vessels of wrath prepared for destruction, in order to make known the riches of his glory for vessels of mercy, which he has prepared beforehand for glory-even us whom he has called, not from the Jews only but also from the Gentiles?'

And Isaiah 45:9

'"Woe to him who strives with him who formed him, a pot among earthen pots! Does the clay say to him who forms it, 'What are you making?' or 'Your work has no handles'?' 

And then I saw the movie Born to Win. If you haven't seen it, you ought to. It's the true story about Leon, a boy who was abandoned by his parents in South Africa, then was taken away from the one person he was taken in by simply because he was white. He was given back to his mom and abusive step-father, grew up, and went to college to become a teacher. He ends up working in Carpe Diem school for the disabled. Because of his abusive childhood, he drinks too much and isn't a good father/husband. He gives his life to Christ and things seem to turn around. But, there's a struggle to understand why bad things happen-why people suffer. At the school, there's a girl without legs, rejected by her parents because of it. A paralyzed man who feels like he is useless and ought to commit suicide because what else is he good for? These among others. And they're all searching for answers.

The pinnacle of the movie is when everything seems to come crashing down in Leon's life, and his faith wavers. 'Where is God in all of this,' he wonders.

Where is God indeed when His people suffer? Why do we suffer?

We've all heard of Job's story. He had everything going for him, and then it all came crashing down. But, why? Despite his lack of understanding, he stood firm. In Job 2:10, he says his wife, who is telling him to curse God and die,"Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?"

Until I saw Born to Win, I didn't understand much of what I just referenced. So, bear with me as I try to express what is in my heart/mind, hoping that I've not taken anything out of context....

We are born to win. Souls. Each one of us is born to win the souls of others. And the things we go through are, I believe, for His glory. If I wouldn't have gone through abuse and all the other things I've gone through, I would not be able to relate to others just like me. And because I can relate to them, I can tell them the truths that I know-that I've learned-to bring them to the saving knowledge of Christ.

This doesn't mean I'm glad that I was abused, because of course I wish I hadn't been. But I know that God is going to use it for His glory. He made each of us the way we are, and has maybe allowed the things we've gone through, because He has a purpose for us that is far greater than what we can see in our limited understanding.

Does this mean He initiates evil? Absolutely not. He is good and all good things come from Him (James 1:17). He is not like man (Numbers 23:19) and He does not do evil (James 1:13). He does not sin. But, in the case of Job, He allows things to happen (Job 1:6-12). And it's for His glory, if we'll allow Him to use us.

I am the clay and He is the potter. And however He sees fit to use me to bring glory to His name, I say so be it. If that means I get sick, so be it. If that means I die, so be it. If that means...so be it. I say this because I know He has a plan for me that He calls good (Jer. 29:11) and I know that He will use everything for my good (Rom. 8:28). And my life is to bring Him glory (Isaiah 43:7).

He doesn't need my permission, however. Did He ask Job? Of course not. He's God. He can do whatever He wants. But He isn't cruel. He doesn't do things just to watch us cringe. He is purposeful. Loving. Sovereign. And I need to submit to His will, whatever it may be, because again, I'm to bring Him glory.

As Christians, people are watching. People are watching our walk. And they are watching how we, as God followers, respond to the things that happen to us. And perhaps how we respond could bring them to Christ, or further drive them away. But, what will I show to a world that is so in need of Christ? Will they see Christ in me? Will they see His glory?

Here I am, Lord. Use me for Your glory.

Washed by the Water

The other day I was doing the dishes. Mom and I had made cookies and I was rinsing the bowl we used to mix the dough. As I rinsed it, for some reason I paid attention to the process. I let the water run over the dirty places, and watched in awe as it washed away the leftover dough. It just washed away. The water made it clean; as if nothing had ever been in it to begin with.

And I realized that this is what Jesus offers. He offers water that washes away all my dirtiness. He makes me clean. He Himself washes me, just as I washed the bowl. And it's beautiful. It's because of nothing I've done. I'm dirty. The bowl was dirty. But I needed it to be clean for another use. God needs me to be clean for another use. He has a purpose for me for which I need to be clean. But it's because He wants to use me.

We are washed by the water and all our dirtiness washes away. And it's beautiful.

Found

Yesterday I had to drive about 30 minutes to Angels Camp to deliver a flower arrangement for work. My route took me on Highway 49. I've driven it many times. But, yesterday I noticed something I had not seen before: a sign caught my attention.

As I drove by it, my mind began to think about it. As I drove into Angels Camp, I saw another one just like it. Someone had lost something, but it was found, and they wanted to let it be known that their lost thing had been found. 

It made me want to celebrate with them. Their lost thing had been found. What a great cause for celebration! It reminds me of the story of Jesus' parables of the lost sheep, lost coin, and the prodigal son. In each story, something is lost. But when it has been found, there is a celebration. There is rejoicing!

I was lost once. We all were. Lots us still are. But, to think of the celebration that was had when I was found! when each of us was found! and when those who are still lost are finally found! It makes me want to celebrate now the fact that I am found! As the sign says, Praise the Lord! I am found!!!!!! I am no longer lost! 

Whatever was lost that has now been found must have been of great value for the finder to put up this sign. When valuable things get lost, but are then found, there is great cause for rejoicing! When I lose something of great value, there is this feeling I get in the pit of my stomach. It's an awful, dreadful feeling. What must Jesus feel when we are lost? when I am lost? His Word says that I am of great value to Him. What must He feel? It must be a terrible feeling to cause such rejoicing and celebration when we are finally found. 

Come running like a prodigal. Let yourself be found like a lost coin. Let Him carry you home like His lost sheep. 

Praise the Lord! In Christ, lost things get found. And that is cause for celebration!

Everything Heals in Time

I went for a run today.

"Big deal" is what you're probably thinking. But, it kinda is a big deal.

I sprained my ankle in November. If you would have asked me in January or February if I thought I'd run again, I would have said 'No',  because I didn't think I would have. I thought I did too much damage to ever run again, let alone heal. In January I was still having so many problems and pains with it that I visited my doctor and I remember sitting on the exam table, trying to hold back tears because I thought I'd never be able to run again, and I was so frustrated.

And here I am, running again.

I was thinking about this on my run today. And then I related it to the pain I'm currently going through. Sometimes it feels as though it will never end. It feels as if I'll never function the way I was meant to in some areas of life...like I'll never be able to 'run' the way I was meant to because I'm crippled from this father wound.

But, I will be able to...because everything heals in time. Just like my ankle, this stuff just needs time.

When I was sitting in the doctor's office that day, we talked about different causes for my pain. She checked and discovered that I am flat-footed. So, I need arch support in my shoes. Once I got the right 'treatment' for my pain, the pain got better and so did my ankle.

Like with my ankle, I need to make sure that I'm getting the right 'treatment' for this father wound. And I believe I am, though it's difficult. But, if I'm treating it right, it will heal...in time.

So, this gives me hope. It gives me hope in the midst of darkness and extreme pain that healing can and will happen. It just needs time.

Girl on Purpose

The other night, a friend and I were discussing the sexuality of a snail. I know....how weird is that? We were talking about it because I recently rescued a snail from the nursery I work at and have been reading a book about them that a coworker loaned me. I have learned that snails are hermaphrodites, being both male and female.

After I mentioned this fact, my friend made a comment about how she wishes people could be like that, indicating that it'd be nice if people could be both male and female, choosing when to be which gender when they pleased, as snails do. I laughed at her comment and intended to move on.

But God dropped something in my spirit.

So often, I wish to be male, rather than female. It'd be so much easier sometimes, or so I believe. But, if God wanted me to be male, He would have made me that way. Rather, He made me female. He quietly spoke into my heart that there is something He purposed for me to do as a female that I would not be able to do as a male.

God made me a girl on purpose. It is no mistake or mishap that I am a female, rather than a male. This new revealed truth causes me to celebrate my intended gender, rather than despise it.

My mom had hoped I'd be a boy. God purposed me to be a girl. And I look forward to finding out in Heaven what He purposed my femaleness for that a boy simply wouldn't do for.

From a Moth

This isn't the best photo I could have taken, but I had dogs barking at me and I had to pee.

Anyway, why was I taking a picture of a moth? Honestly, I'm not sure I knew...but I'm glad I did.

I was sitting on a tree stump, waiting for the dogs I let out twice a week to finish their business, when I heard something behind me. I finally turned, only to see this moth fluttering wildly on the ground. I watched it for a moment, then, feeling compassion for it, went to see if I could help it in its struggle.

I put my finger on the ground in front of it and tried to get it to crawl onto it. Instead, it continued to flutter wildly and moved away from the tip of my finger. I followed it with my finger, trying again, but the same thing happened.

So, I ever so gently touched its wing.

And the fluttering stopped.

I watched it for a few minutes, but it remained calm on the ground. So, because of the barking dogs, I snapped this picture and walked away.

Maybe 15 or so minutes later, I was in my car when this came to me:

Just like that moth, I flutter wildly on the ground sometimes. Jesus tries to help by picking me up, but I refuse. I turn away, not willing to get into His hand. After He tries again, with me still refusing, He ever so gently touches me, and my fluttering stops. And I am calm and at peace.

He won't pick me up if I refuse. And in my fluttering, a touch is hard to refuse, because I'm so busy fluttering wildly about that I'm not paying attention to the finger coming near my fluttering self. And thankfully, His touch brings peace to my storm, a calm to my chaos, a rest from my fluttering.

Jesus showed me all this from a moth. Oh, how He loves me!

Picking Wildflowers

I found a wildflower the other day on the ditch trail. I did what I probably wasn't supposed to: I picked it. I took it home and planted it in a pot with some soil. Then, I waited.

I had hoped that it would thrive, but....the next morning it was already wilting. It was bent over, droopy. So, I plucked it from the soil and put it in a cup of water, hoping that maybe it would sprout roots and I could plant it. But, nope.

I killed it.

I don't know much about wildflowers, if anything, except that they are beautiful. I now know not to pick them. They need certain things to be able to grow and thrive, and if you pick it, it won't have those things anymore.

And it will die.

As I was thinking about this today, I felt the Holy Spirit speaking.

We go along in life, having all we need to thrive and grow. But then, we decide we know what's best, or we decide we want something different. So we leave. We pluck ourselves out of the soil that has everything we need, so to speak, and we go plant ourselves somewhere else: somewhere less than what we had before.

And we die.

When I took the wildflower out of the right stuff it needed and put it in the wrong stuff, it died. When we are in Christ and in His Word and in all the things we need to be able to grow and thrive as Christ Followers, we live. We are beautiful. But, when we pick ourselves out of that, we wilt and die.

So, don't pick the wildflowers.