Friday, May 27, 2016

"I will be with you."

If you've been following, you know that I'm leaving with my team in about 2 weeks for Ecuador for a 12 day mission trip. You might also know I'm a bit freaked out. 

I've been talking to God about it. A lot. There are multiple things I'm nervous and anxious about. I think the main thing is me. Why did God pick me? Out of all the people, why broken, not put together, PTSD me? Why? What could He possibly want me for?

As I was asking these questions last night, He sent me to the story of Moses. You might remember Moses as the one who led the people out of Egypt. But he also was the one who talked back to God about not being an eloquent speaker (Exodus 4:10) That was the part God brought to my mind.

However, I decided to read from the beginning, when Moses hears God speaking to him through the burning bush. In Exodus 3:10, God says, "So now, go. I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt." But, in verse 11, Moses echoes my feelings when he says to God, "Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?"

Who am I that I should go?

Who am I? That's what I've been wrestling with. Who am I, Lord, that you would call me? What do you see in me, or what do you want to do through me, that you would call me to go? Who am I that I should go?
God answers him and me in the first part of verse 12: ‘And God said, "I will be with you."’

Really? 'I will be with you'? That's it? Nothing about how great Moses is or about what God saw in him or about who he was? Just, 'I will be with you'? 

Yeah. Really. 

Because Him being with Moses was enough. And Him being with me is enough. 

He is enough. 

I love that His answer to the question of, "Who am I that I should go?" is "I will be with you." Because in all reality, it's not about me. It's about Him. It's not about who I am. It's about who He is. And He will be with me. And that is enough. 

A lot of stuff has come up right before this trip and I'm disappointed. I wanted so badly to be okay. And I've been trying to be...and trying to be enough. But, I don't have to be enough, because He already is. And He's okay with me not being okay. 

So, I go with the confidence that He will be with me, no matter who I am or who I’m not, nor how ill-equipped I feel. He told Moses He would give him the words to speak and He would teach him (Exodus 4:12). Why would He do any less for me today? He has called me and He will equip me. He will be with me. And I’m pretty sure that’s a promise. 

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