The last month or two at Mercy was spent searching for a host family. Doors shut left and right, leaving me unsure of where I would be going after graduation. In the midst of desperately needing an answer, a door opened: California. But I didn't see it as being a possibility, because I had my own agenda, and it didn't include moving to CA. But, God's agenda and mine don't always match. So, I resisted all the way up to giving an answer as to where I'd be going after graduation.
Even after deciding to move to CA and live with my friend and her family, who I visited with last summer, I still had doubts, as well as what I call, 'momentary freak-outs'. I wanted to be absolutely sure that CA was where God wanted me to go. I gave Him two things that had to happen for me to know that I was supposed to go to CA, and both of those things happened.
And yet, even after all of that, I'm still doubting.
It's a good thing God talks to us in ways we can understand. The other day, my friend and I were on our way to Newman, CA, and the directions we had told us that we would be on a particular road for 35 minutes before we reached the next turn. It seemed like sch a long time that we were traveling on that particular road and felt like we'd never reach the end. I began to doubt that we had gone the right way, despite following the directions. It didn't help that we seemed to be in the middle of nowhere.
It occurred to me that this is what happens to so many of Christ's followers. He leads them down a road and, despite having been directed to go that way, they begin to doubt His direction because the road seems to never end or appears to be in the middle of nowhere.
I realized that this is one of satan's tactics: to get us doubting so that we turn around and go a different way than God told us, getting ourselves lost and confused. But if we will continue on in the direction God told us to go, we will eventually reach our destination. He will never lead us astray.
My friend and I finally made it to the end of the road, and to our destination.
A few nights later when I was journaling, God brought this all back to me. I didn't see how it applied to me at the time He showed it to me, but as I wrote I did.
I was writing about some frustrations I was having about being here, as well as my doubts, when I was reminded of the things I asked God to do so that I would know CA was where I was supposed to be. I realized that God directed me to go down this road, so I obeyed. But along the way, doubt crept in. This path seems to be in the middle of nowhere. I'm not sure when it's going to end or how long I will be on it. But, if I will keep going in this direction He has led me, I know I will reach the end. I refuse to let satan talk me into turning around and going a different way. God will not lead me astray.
In the midst of all of this, the verse I'm holding fast to is Jeremiah 29:11. This verse has seemed so cliche to me more times than I care to admit. It's seemed like such a nice thought...but not right now. Right now it has so much meaning and truth, and to that I cling.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans for wholeness and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."
No comments:
Post a Comment