Not the Same

Have you ever been to a restaurant and it just wasn't that great? Maybe you got food poisoning or had bad service or any of the other things that makes for a bad experience at a restaurant. I'm sure we all have. When it comes time to go out again, do you let that experience keep you from trying a similar restaurant? Of course not. Why? Because it's not the same restaurant. The servers will be different people, the food will be different, the set-up of the restaurant will be different, and even the music playing might be different. It won't be the same experience. Right?

I found myself once again writing about how I'm fearful of trusting God's love because of the bad experiences I've had with my parents and other people. What if His love is conditional like theirs? What if His love is dysfunctional? What if His love is inconsistent or impure? There are so many more 'what if's' that I could fill a page with them. But, I think God dropped into my spirit tonight that it's like that restaurant. It'll be a different experience. Why? Because it's not the same. He's not the same as my parents. He's not the same as those other people in my life. It's going to be an entirely different experience than I've had before.

Just like I wouldn't let a bad experience at a restaurant keep me from going to one similar, I shouldn't let my experience of love with broken, sinful people to keep me from trusting and experiencing God's good, safe, unconditional, ridiculous, consistent, strong, pure love. He's just not the same as them.

God and Bob Ross

For the last week or so, I have been reading the account of when Saul pursued David in order to kill him. Now, David had done nothing to deserve being killed. On the contrary, he rescued Saul and his army from an angry Philistine giant. He should have been exalted. Instead, he was pursued like a criminal, hated by Saul, and wanted dead. So, he ran. He ran from the man who was out to kill him, who happened to be the king. 

While he was on the run, David had two opportunities to kill Saul. Neither time did he take that opportunity, though it would have meant the end of his running. Why didn't he take it? Because David respected the fact that Saul was the Lord's anointed. The Lord put Saul in his position as King and David knew it wasn't his right to take him out of it. David was honorable. Saul was not. In the moment where Saul realized for the second time that David could have killed him, he seemingly repented, asking David to come home. David, however, kept his distance. 

And then David got news that Saul was dead. His troubles were over. He didn't have to run anymore. He should have been relieved and joyous, right? But he wasn't. He lamented over Saul's death, because he respected God's choice of Saul as king. He honored the Lord's anointed, though the Lord's anointed didn't honor him. 

This account has taught me much in relation to a recent situation in my own life. But it was in that last part where David got news of Saul's death that I had so many questions: How did David really feel about Saul's death? If he kept a journal, what would he have written about Saul? Did David feel some relief that Saul was dead? And what purpose did Saul's pursuit of David serve? 

It was that last question that caught me the most: What purpose did Saul's pursuit of David serve? I mean, really, what was the purpose? Was it to teach David something? Was it so that we would have the Psalms? What was the purpose? 

This trail of thoughts lead me to my own life. What is the purpose for the things in my life that have not been good? I've had to reorient myself to the truth that God is not my enemy, and He does not plan for bad things to happen to me. He is not the author of evil. But those bad things happen and He isn't going to waste them. 

I think God is kind of like Bob Ross, or vice versa. Maybe Bob Ross has given us a lesson of what God is like. Bob Ross said there were only ever "happy mistakes." He'd turn accidental blobs of paint that fell onto the canvas into birds or trees. I think God is kinda like that. I think God saw in mind what He wanted my (and your) life to look like, but then the enemy dropped a nasty blob of paint on the canvas. Instead of freaking out and tossing the whole thing, God decided what He'd do with that blob of paint. Some of those blobs have turned into birds and trees and who knows what else. Others are still in the process of becoming something beautiful. 

There's not a reason for the pain, but He uses it for a reason. He never wastes a single thing, not even a nasty blob of paint. He didn't plan for it, but He'll use it. If we let Him, He'll use every single one to add to the masterpiece He is painting of our lives. And I bet it'll be better than a Bob Ross.