Ponderings

I'm a runner. Not a great one, by any means, but I still run. I love running. Because of depression and things, I haven't been as active as I used to be before I lost my job in July. Before that, I was running all the time. But, that's not where this is headed.

A friend and I decided to go running yesterday morning. I love trail running, so we headed out on one of my favorite trails. It's a wooded trail that runs along a ditch that flows with water. It's a beautiful trail. I had just finished showing my friend where I had sprained my ankle a few years ago on that very trail when, just a few feet ahead, just as we had begun jogging again, I stepped on a root or a rock or something and heard a sound like someone stepping on branches and they were breaking. And down I went. In tons of a pain and tears and anger and a whole flood of pain and emotions. I eventually went to prompt care, where X-rays were taken and it was said that I sprained my ankle. There were no broken bones, but lots of soft tissue damage. They put me in a soft cast/splint with crutches and said that I'm not to bear weight on it for 2 weeks. So, I'm in this uncomfortable splint with lots of pain, unable to bear weight on it, for 2 whole weeks.

And I keep thinking, "Why?"

Someone suggested that either He saved me from something or will deliver me from something...that there is a reason for everything. But, is there? I'm sure there is....but, really?

One of my thoughts was that maybe there was something worse farther down the trail...there have been lots of mountain lion sightings around here lately....maybe there was one on the trail and we would have run into it. Maybe I was injured to spare my friend (who is married and has children) from that 'something worse.'

And maybe not.

Another of my thoughts that keeps jogging in my head is, "Why did God allow this to happen?" Maybe He caused this to happen. And yet another thought is that No, He didn't...it just happened.

Whatever the reason or no reason, I think I see something in it.

I've been wrestling with God for a while now about why He allowed me to be abused and why He did nothing about it. I've even been angry with Him and have told Him I hated Him. But, I think this running injury shows me that He didn't allow or cause it to happen...It just did. He didn't allow or cause me to fall and be injured. It just happened. The laws of nature and gravity happened. Just like with my dad, the laws of humanity happened. That doesn't mean God wasn't there, but He didn't cause or allow it to happen.

But, He was there. And He'll use it, just like He has just used this running injury.