Never Alone

If you read my previous post, "Ponderings", you noticed God showed me something that I'm sure He's been wanting to get through to me for a while now. That thing is that He did not cause or allow my dad to abuse me, just like He didn't cause or allow me to get injured during my run on Monday. The laws of humanity and gravity and nature just took over. But, He was there. I know He was. While I was laying on the ground, crying and screaming in pain and anger, I noticed the sun was shining down on me through the gap in the trees. He was with me. I was not alone.

Thinking about that led me to want to see how He was with me when my dad was abusing me all those times. I've never wanted to know before. It has always enraged me that He might have been there but didn't do anything. It made me hate Him to know that He saw it happening and didn't make it stop. And for that reason, I didn't want to see how He was there.

But, all of a sudden, I did. So, I asked Him. What I found is that He was there. Every time. Every single time my dad hurt me, He was there. He was angry for me and had anger in His eyes, though not at me. He cried with me and it hurt Him, too. He was sad He couldn't take me away from that. But, He was there. I can see Him by the bedside as this little girl is being hurt so badly. And He is crying and is angry. He never left. It pained Him to see that happening. He couldn't watch. He looked into my eyes the whole time. And held my hand.

After He showed me this, He held His arms out to me, wanting to hold me. So I let Him. He lifted me up into His lap and I curled up there, leaning against His white robed chest. He is so big compared to how small I am, even though I'm 26. He wrapped His arms around me as I lay my head against His chest. His white robe hid me. He is safe and warm and cozy and nice. He is so big and gentle. I never want to leave. I hope I never do.

I was never alone.
I am never alone.