Do You Believe, Even When?

You know the old saying, “Easier said than done?” Well, a lot of things are easier said than done, especially when things aren’t going so well.

These last two weeks have been filled with days of fear and anxiety, worry and dread, anger and grief, uncertainty about what’s up ahead, and lots and lots of tears. And in the midst of it all, God has been asking me, “Child, what do you really believe?” 

Believe about what? you’re probably wondering. Well:

Within the last two weeks, I’ve had to look at the possibility of having to move out of the home I’m living in at some point in the near future. God has been asking me, “Do you really believe that I am your security, even in the uncertainty?”

I’ve also had to turn down house sitting jobs, of which I was relying on to help get me through this summer while I’m laid off. God has been asking me, “Do you really believe that I am your provision, even though there’s no money coming in?”

My best dog friend had to be put to sleep, and I have been grieving. He brought me comfort when times were tough. God has been asking me, “Do you really believe that I am your comfort, even though your source of comfort is gone?”

Some of the people in my life whom I rely on haven’t been available when I’ve needed them. God has been asking me, “Do you really believe that I am your friend, even though no one else is able to be there right now?”

These last two weeks have been anything but peaceful. In the midst of the storms, God has been asking me, “Do you really believe that I am your peace, even though things are chaotic and scary right now?”

My counselor had to have minor surgery, and so has been unavailable to help me through all that has been going on. God has been asking me, “Do you really believe that I am your counselor, even though your counselor isn’t able to help you right now?”

I don’t have a healthy relationship with my mother, and the grief I’ve been walking through has emphasized my desire for a mother. God has been asking me, “Do you really believe that I am your mother, even though yours isn’t able to be a mom to you right now?”

In essence, I think He has been asking me, “Do you really believe that I am all that you need, even when you have nothing and no one?” 

And in response, I honestly have to say, “I don’t know.”

It’s easy to believe when things are going well. I think Peter understands this. He said he would die for Jesus (Matthew 26:35), but when it came down to it, three times he denied ever knowing Him (Matthew 26:69-75). It wasn’t so easy to believe when things looked grim and the darkness was pressing in.

Seven years ago, I heard God say, “You don’t get to pick and choose which parts of the Bible you believe. You either believe all of it, or you believe none of it.” The other day, I heard God say something similar. He said, “You can’t be a part-time believer. You either believe me all the time, no matter what is going on around you, or you don’t believe at all.” 

God, in Rev. 3:15-16, says, “I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.” He doesn’t want us to believe only when it’s convenient for us, or only when things are going well. He wants us to believe all the time.

May we ask ourselves: Am I willing to believe Him in the light and the darkness? Am I willing to believe Him, even when the earth is crumbling beneath my feet? Psalm 46:1-3 says, ‘God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.’ Do I really believe that? Do I really believe that He is my refuge and strength? Do I really believe that He is my ever-present help in trouble?

If we really believed all of these things, I’m convinced that nothing would be able to shake us. I don’t know about you, but that’s where I want to be. But, I recognize that I’m not there yet. So, with the father in Mark 9:24, I pray, “Lord, I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”