Letting Go of the Oars

Last weekend, God showed me something. 

I saw myself in a boat with oars headed down a river with a heavy flow. I had the oars in my hands, using all of my strength to try and row myself back up-stream, when really I need to let the water carry me where it needs to take me.

I know God has been trying to take me places in Him and in this healing process that I'm terrified to go. I think I'm afraid of the unknown and lack of control. He is asking me to trust Him, but I've been saying no because of fear. I've been so afraid of the process that I've been fighting it and trying to make things happen on my own.

On Sunday, I was at the altar, asking God why He wouldn't just take the oars away. He told me that if He took them away, He'd be taking my choice away.


I have the choice to continue to fight and use all of my strength to try and row back up-stream, or I can let go of the oars and trust that He will take me only where He wants me to go, trusting that His plan is good and that He is with me and that He has me and isn't going to leave, but above all, trusting that He is good.

I realized tonight that by fighting against the flow of His waters by trying to row against them I'm wasting my energy. Wouldn't it be better to rest and let Him carry me where He wants me to go?

By letting go of the oars, I'm letting go of my fears and placing my trust in the One Who deserves it.

(Fear doesn't deserve my trust. What has it ever done for me?)

Shining Your Brights

It's funny the things God uses to speak to me about spiritual concepts. It's also interesting how many lessons we can learn from driving. For instance, "You can't drive forward while you're looking in the rear-view mirror" translates to, "You can't go forward while you're looking backward". Here's another one:

On the way home tonight, I was following a car that had their bright lights on. I learned from a friend months ago that when I'm so many feet behind a vehicle, I should not have mine on, so I kept them off. I was close enough to the car in front of me, though, that their bright lights actually helped me to see better, too. 

I realized that in life, we need to let our brightest light shine so that those who are following us can see, too, because their lights aren't bright enough. Maybe their light isn't bright enough because of brokenness or because they don't know the Lord, or any other number of reasons. But they need our lights to shine so that they can see. 

Matthew 5:16 says, "...let your light shine before others...". The whole verse is, "In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good deeds and give glory to your Father who is in heaven."

So, come on, let your light shine; turn on your brights. You never know who may be following you. 

Split in the Path

I went running the other day on a trail that's new to me. It wasn't marked very well and I found myself lost a few times. In a few places, the trail split off into two different directions, leaving me unsure of which one to go. I chose one and after running down it for a few minutes, realized it was probably the wrong direction. So, those times I realized I had more than likely gone the wrong direction, I backtracked and followed the other direction the trail led.

I had recently downloaded a pedometer onto my iPod and was using it to track my mileage during my run. As I was thinking about it, I realized that my pedometer didn't stop counting my steps when I had to backtrack, but it added to them.

Sometimes, the trail we are on isn't clearly marked, and we are faced with a split in the road and the decision of which direction to take. We might take one direction, thinking it was the right one, only to realize it wasn't. So, we backtrack and go the direction we should have gone.

But, God doesn't discount the steps we've already taken, though they might have been in the wrong direction. He doesn't get mad at us when we falter and lose our way, but because of His grace, mercy, love, and kindness, He uses those experiences/steps to our advantage. He uses the things we learn on that wrong trail to teach us so that they can be used on the path He wants us to take.

Not only this, but He'll use us to help others to know which direction to go and not to go. We've already run the trail, and we know which direction leads the right way.

Staying Close to Him

I work with adults with developmental disabilities, advocating for their independence. Part of my job includes going out with a small group of consumers (that's the 'technical' word we use for the program participants) in the community to do a job. One of the jobs we do is litter pick-up at the casino. That was what I did today.

We were in the parking garage, picking up litter, when a car drove into the entrance that I and two other of my consumers were near. Some of the consumers need a little more supervision than others, and I had one such individual with me. I told her to stay close to me as we kept moving and as the car continued to pull into the garage. As soon as I said those words, "Stay close to me", the Lord spoke to my heart, saying, "That's what I want you to do...stay close to Me."

Just like I was trying to protect my consumer by having her stay close to me, God is protecting me when I stay close to Him. If my consumer would have moved away from me, she would have been in danger of being hit by the vehicle. When I move away from God, I put myself in danger of being harmed by the enemy and any of his "oncoming vehicles". Staying close to God is not only about being in relationship with Him and having intimacy with Him. It's also about us being in that safe place where we allow God to protect us.

Idols

It's never easy when God deals with you.

Today has been a good day. Until tonight. Something happened and it made me quite annoyed, then another thing happened that made me even more annoyed. I'm to the point where I just want to be comforted. I want to sit in a chair with a blanket and a book or my journal and a cup of hot tea. 

And this is where God breaks in and says, "Hello. What about coming to me?"

So many times when things go wrong, I go to food or a hot cup of tea or to the television for comfort and to just numb/zone out. I forget that I have a God who I can go to for comfort and He will actually give me the comfort I need. All of those other things are just temporary. Food or tea or the television will only comfort me for so long, or fill me up for so long, until I'm wanting for more. God isn't like that. He satisfies us completely, leaving no lack or longing for more. 

An idol is anything that replaces God or is put before God. 

Like I said, it's never easy when God deals with you. 

Hopeful Reprieve

We're in the middle of winter and for the last three days it's been in the upper 50's, low 60's. But, who's complaining? This afternoon on my way into town, I had the windows down and the sun was shining and it felt like spring. I know winter is coming back, but this reprieve has been wonderful. The promise of the coming spring gives me hope and I know I can make it through the winter.

God showed me that this is like the process I'm currently going through. I went through a bitter winter, so to speak, and when it ended, I had six months of reprieve. Now, however, it seems as though the winter is back. In fact, maybe it never ended. But, as I look upon the six months of reprieve, they give me hope that I can make it through this winter. They promise that spring will come and it will be even greater and will last longer than the little reprieve I had. 

Hindrances

I had just gotten back to my seat from kneeling at the altar when the pastor mentioned something about having things between you and God. Right away I felt conviction. Whenever that question has come up before, I've always thought, "Oh, there's nothing between me and God. We're good." But, this time I couldn't say that. This time, I knew there was something between us.

As I thought about this revelation later, I realized that it's difficult to admit that there is something between us and God because we think (I do, anyways) that He'll be done with us and cast us out because we're not perfect and don't have it all together because that's what the world does. But, we forget that God is not like man. He is merciful, patient, and loving. He actually wants us to admit that there are things getting in the way of a relationship with Him so that He can help us weed them out. In fact, He eagerly waits for us to come to Him with those confessions.

We were made for relationship with God. He paid a high price to be able to draw us near to Himself. Because of that high price, He isn't going to throw us out...He's going to do anything He can to keep us close to Him, making sure nothing is in the way of Him having a relationship with us.

If there are things standing in the way of you and God, keeping you from serving, loving, and drawing close to Him, don't be afraid or ashamed to admit them. He knows about them already, and is waiting and wanting for you to come to Him.