Pumpkin Carving

As I was talking with a friend last night, I was relating to her how God had just shown me a bunch of things that I had never known before. They are things about myself that need to come out so that He can make me into the vessel he wants me to be. She reminded me that it's like pumpkin carving.

Yes. Pumpkin carving. How is this process similar?

Well, you have to first pull out the insides of the pumpkin. You cut it open, revealing all the seeds and 'guts'. Then, the tedious process begins. And it's not just tedious work, but hard. You have to get all the 'junk' out before you can begin the creative part of making the pumpkin be whatever you want it to be.

God has to get all the junk out of us before He can 'carve' us into what He wants us to be. It is a beautiful, yet hard process. But, in the end you are left with a masterpiece.

Reward of Waiting

I feel like this season of my life has been about waiting on the Lord. It has seemed that all of the scripture verses I have come across have been about waiting. I got frustrated many times because I never understood it. What is it about waiting? What am I waiting for the Lord for?
In this last week, God has answered my question, I think. And if it's not the right answer, it still makes sense. There is a reward in waiting, thus the saying, "Good things come to those who wait." In Isaiah 40:31, it says, "But those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength." One reward of waiting: new strength.
When we wait upon the Lord, we will see Him working in our lives. We are going to see the things He will do, and that is where our strength comes from. When we wait, say for a train, we get confidence that the train is going to come the more times it comes when we've been waiting for it. It's the same with the Lord. The more we wait on Him, and the more times He comes through, the more strength we are going to draw. It's Him keeping His promises.
Sometimes, it's frustrating to wait upon the Lord. But, when we do, and we see Him come through, we are going to have strength: new strength.

I hope this makes sense. I'm having a hard time articulating what I'm sensing this means. Sometimes, it's hard to put into words a God-concept. Probably because words are so limiting, and He has no limit. He is far above all these words we have. There are none for our God.

"I'll love you no matter what"

When I was growing up, my mom would always tell me I could tell her anything. But, no matter how many times she said that, I was still afraid to tell her some things, especially when I needed to confess something. I was afraid that she would be angry or stop loving me. But, before each confession, I asked her if she would be mad, and every time she said that she would no be mad. She would tell me that nothing I ever do would ever make her stop loving me.

I'm in the process of learning that not only can I tell my mom anything, but God as well. Like my mom, He doesn't love me because of who I am or what I've done, but because of who He is. He is Father God, and this is just His nature. Just like it's my mom's nature to love me no matter what, so is it God's nature, because that's who He is.

Jeremiah 31:3
"I have loved you with an everlasting love."

Childlike Faith

Oh, to be a child again.

Not!

I've always said I never wanted to be a kid again because of the things that happened during my childhood. But, after I heard a story tonight about a 9 year old boy, I wouldn't mind being a kid again.

We're told to have childlike faith. But, what does that look like? A friend of mine told me of how he was talking to his 9 year old son last night. He said that he asked him if he had prayed to Jesus yet. The boy responded, "Yeah, but...well, dad, He's not fast."
To this the father asked, "What do you mean?" Even though he well knew.
The boy replied, "He's slow."

"He's not fast...He's slow." Oh, to have this child's faith in my God! When I heard this story, I realized that this boy knew God is good, but that He answers in His time, not ours. He anticipated and expected God to answer his prayers.

And that is what we should do. We should anticipate and expect Him to answer our prayers, because He is faithful and good. But, we also need to know that He answers in His own time, and not always in the way we expect. But, He is good. And that is the childlike faith we need to have.

Psalm 27:13-14

Amplified

"[What, what would have become of me] had I not believed that I would see the Lord's goodness in the land of the living! Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your hearts be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord."



NLT

"Yet I am confident I will see the Lord's goodness while I am here in the land of the living. Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord."



NIV

"I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living! Wait for the Lord; be strong let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!"





I love all three versions of these two verses. They say basically the same thing, but are slightly different. I love that the NIV says "I believe". I've been having a hard time believing that He is good. The NLT says that "Yet I am confident". Before that 'yet' was a bunch of pain and hurt. Much was going on, but he says that "Yet I am confident I will see the Lord's goodness...." And, not only that, but it will be in the land of the living. This means that he knows that He will see the Lord's goodness not only when he dies, but while he still lives!



This is a hard concept for me to grasp. I have so many lies that I've been believing about God. These lies keep me from believing that He is good and keep my walls up to keep Him out. I realized that I need to step out in bold faith and see what God is made of. It's almost a challenge to God. I can see myself, waving at God to bring it on, challenging Him to show Himself true to His Word. That's what this is. Why else does it say to wait on the Lord?



David admonishes us to wait for the Lord. I feel this request is to wait for Him to show that He is who He says He is. This is what I'm waiting for. I'm waiting for Him to show me that He is good as He says; waiting to see that He won't hurt me, as His Word says He won't; waiting to see that He isn't going to use me like my fears say; waiting to see if these lies are just that: lies.



But this takes a bold faith. This means stepping out and tasting to see if it's safe without knowing all the details. So, as David tells me, I am going to be brave and have courage as I step out to the unknown, waiting on Him to show me He is who He says He is.

"Will You Let Me?"

He had been lame since birth. Everyday he waited for a miracle. Everyday that miracle came, but he could not take part in it.



Everyday an angel would stir the pool. If he could just take a dip in that pool's stirred waters, he would walk again. But everyday, someone beat him to it. No one would help him get to the waters fast enough to be the first. So, he sat and waited for the day to come when he would get there first.



One day, Jesus walked by. He saw the man who He knew had been sick for thirty-eight years. When He saw Him, he asked him, "Would you like to get well?"



The lame man replied that he couldn't, because had no one to put him into the pool when the water bubbled up. Jesus told him, "Stand up, pick up your mat, and walk."


I read this and am amazed. Jesus asked him if he wanted to get well. The amplified says he asks him if he is really in earnest about getting well. Why would he ask such a question when the answer would obviously be yes? I think it was because the man provided an 'excuse' for not being well.

I see myself in this situation. Jesus is asking me if I want to be well? Do I want to be healed? Free? Loved? I think His ultimate question to me is, "Will you let Me?" I've provided excuses for not being well. But it all comes down to will I let Him? He has already commanded me to take up my mat and walk, but I have not believed Him. I have not trusted Him. But, it's time to let Him. It's time for me to stop making excuses and step out in bold faith, even if I am timidly trusting Him. It's time to see if He is who He says He is.

"Will you let Me, Mindy, love you, free you, heal you?"

Those are the questions He is asking all of us.

Lights in my Darkness

I've been struggling with when to write this. I put it off because I didn't 'believe' it, or felt I wasn't in a good place to be writing it. I needed to wait because I wasn't applying it to my own life. Even though I'm not applying it to my life right now, maybe if I write it, it will help someone else.





And maybe, just maybe, by writing it, it will begin to help me.





Before it got very cold, I went on one last bike ride. I like to ride for the distance, so that's what I went for. I took off later than I had expected. The sun was barely hanging on to the day. But, I went. I'm not sure how far I had intended on going, or where I was going for that matter, and intended on being back before nightfall. But, none of my intentions, whatever they may have been, were followed through on.



Before I knew it, night had fallen. The sun lost its hold, and the moon refused to share its light. It was past time to turn back. It was dark, and I could not see. By the time I did turn back, it was even darker.



I had no light, and there were very few streetlamps along my route. I thought at times I was going to ride off the side of the road and into a ditch.



Night was not the only thing that came upon me. There was fear and vehicles. Some were ahead of me while others came from behind. When a vehicle came from behind, I was relieved. It provided a few moments of light by which I could see what was in front of me and where my position was on the road. I was relieved when their headlights approached from behind, illuminating the way before me.



The vehicles coming from the opposite way, however, were dreadful after the first one. Their headlights flashed in my eyes, blinding me from being able to see where I was going, as well as my position on the road. I could not tell how far to the left or right I was, or whether or not I was headed toward the ditch. One oncoming vehicle honked at me. It startled me so greatly I almost crashed my bike.



I finally made it back without running off the road or being hit by an oncoming car. On the way, I had been asking God to protect me, especially when I heard the sound of coyotes in the not too far off distance. And He did. He led me safely to my destination.



When I was thinking about this, God put two and two together for me. He often has a way of doing that.

There are lights in my darkness. Some are in front of me, others are behind me. The Lord is my light in the darkness, coming from behind to help me. He illuminates the way for me so that I can see. Unlike a car, He follows me, remaining behind me so that I can see. The darkness may be so dark, but when the Light comes, it expels the darkness.

"The Lord is my light and my salvation- so why should I be afraid?"